January 2014 Recap

I wanted to make a list of my favorite and least favorite films that I watched in January. I didn't think it would really be fair to include movies I had already seen (otherwise Dallas Buyers Club and Brazil would easily be up at the top), so I picked the 10 best and worst movies (as well as one runner up for each) that I saw for the first time ever this January and broke them into two lists:

My top 5 (in no particular order):
1. Captain Phillips
2. Scenic Route
3. All The Boys Love Mandy Lane
4. Bad Grandpa
5. Cutie and the Boxer
Runner Up: About Time

The bottom 5 (not in order - but I, Frankenstein was worst)
1. I, Frankenstein
2. Mirror Mirror
3. Trespass
4. Blast Vegas
5. The Act of Killing
Runner Up: Big Bad Wolves

62. Envy (2004)

January 31, 2014

Envy wasn't really that great of a movie. It had some good points, but overall I think it missed the mark. Jack Black plays a dreamer who is always coming up with crazy ideas for inventions, and Ben Stiller plays his best friend who likes to play it safe and doesn't put any stock into Black's inventions. When one of Black's inventions (Va-poo-rize: an aerosol spray that literally makes pet poop disappear) ends up being a billion dollar idea, he becomes incredibly rich, leaving a jealous Stiller wishing he would've been part of it. Black ends up building a mansion across the street from Stiller, complete with a carousel, an archery range, a bowling alley, and whatever else he could possibly want. His pride and joy is his white horse that comes around Stiller's house and eats from their apple tree all the time. After a night of heavy drinking, Stiller accidentally shoots and kills the horse with a bow and arrow. He buries the horse in his backyard, and the next day Black goes looking for the horse and offers a $50,000 reward to anyone who can find it. Stiller recruits the J-Man (Christopher Walken) to dig up the horse and say that he found it somewhere far away, already dead, so he can collect the reward money. Not long after that, Black offers Stiller a partnership in his business, and Stiller gets rich. The J-Man tries to blackmail Stiller by threatening to tell Black about his horse if Stiller doesn't give him some money. Stiller eventually tells Black the truth, and they remain friends, because that is all Black ever wanted - to just be best friends. I guess it had some good moments, but I feel like it could have been a lot better.

61. Twins (1988)

January 31, 2014

After watching Kindergarten Cop the other day, my wife and I were in the mood to watch another old Schwarzenegger movie. I hadn't seen Twins since I was a little kid, and it was a little different than I remembered it, but I think I liked it better as a kid. One thing I did notice, that I thought was pretty hilarious, was that Twins had a disproportionate number of extras staring straight at the camera. Next time you watch it, keep an eye on the background for that. Arnold stars as Julian, a brilliant, strong, rich, and all around nice guy who lives on a private island. Danny DeVito also stars as Vincent, Julian's twin brother, who is not very smart, not very strong, and owes a lot of bad people a lot of money. The two were a genetic experiment involving a woman and six different men all specifically picked for their genetic traits. Julian was first born, and he turned out perfect. Vincent, on the other hand was a mistake. Vincent never knew of his brother, but Julian did know about Vincent, and he travelled a long distance to meet him and find his mother and fathers. Over a somewhat difficult journey, they eventually track down the mother and a few of the fathers, but the two brothers develop a bond stronger than they would have imagined. It was kind of a cute movie, good for some laughs, but not as good as Kindergarten Cop or some of his other movies. Hopefully they never make the sequel, Triplets, that has supposedly been in the works for years, where they find their third brother, Eddie Murphy.

60. Equinox (1970)

January 30, 2014

There were some really funny parts in Equinox, but overall I wouldn't say it was a very good movie. It was originally a student film project in 1970 that turned into a feature film. Equinox is a kind of throw-back to older monster movies, with claymation special effects and incredibly hammy acting. Two couples go out to the woods and find a crazy old man in a cave who gives them a book and laughs and babbles about something. One of the guys can read Latin, so he is able to interpret the book, and one of the guys just took a basket-weaving course, so he puts together some charm necklaces that the book says are good symbols. Then they see a castle that may or may not really be there, and a giant ape/dinosaur thing that tries to kill them. They fight off a 50 foot tall neanderthal and occasionally they turn evil for no apparent reason. For a student project, it is really well done, but for a movie that actual people see and talk about, it is just kind of silly.

59. Kindergarten Cop (1990)

January 30, 2014

"We're going to play a wonderful game called... 'Who is my daddy and what does he do?'" Kindergarten Cop is such a fun movie. If you haven't seen it, you really should. It stars Arnold Schwarzenegger (back when he used to make entertaining movies) as Detective Kimble, trying to chase down a drug dealing murderer named Crisp who is looking for his ex-wife and son. When his partner (who was supposed to go undercover as Crisp's son's kindergarten teacher) gets sick, Kimble has to try to act like a kindergarten teacher, and he is clearly a fish out of water. He knows how to deal with gangsters and killers and thieves but he doesn't have a clue how to take care of little kids. He ends up using his police training as a method of teaching and actually gets the kids in line, proving he is an effective teacher. Kimble also falls in love with the teacher across the hall (Penelope Ann Miller) who just so happens to be Crisp's ex. Crisp eventually tracks them down and causes a pretty intense scene in the school, but of course Kimble is there to save the day. This is a very fun movie that is surprisingly quotable...

58. Cutie and the Boxer (2013)

January 29, 2014

Cutie and the Boxer was the first documentary film I think I've ever actually loved. From the opening scenes I was hooked. It follows an elderly couple, Ushio and Noriko Shinohara, who are both respected artists trying to sell their art to pay the bills. Ushio has several large pieces of art made of cardboard, and some paintings he made by taping sponges to boxing gloves, dipping the sponges in paint, and boxing the canvases. Noriko has a series of drawings that she calls Cutie and Bullie, which are her representations of her own marriage and life. Together, they deal with prospective art buyers and art galleries while just trying to pay the rent. The couple is so fun and interesting that I didn't want the movie to end. It seems crazy to me, but I would actually want to see a sequel to a documentary!

57. Byzantium (2012)

January 28, 2014

Byzantium was a pretty cool vampire film. Directed by Neil Jordan (Interview With A Vampire), this strange take on the undead blood-suckers was quite unique. Two girls (Saoirse Ronan and Gemma Arterton) are vampires and try to make a living as best they can with what little they have. Ronan typically kills mercifully, choosing people who are elderly or ill and already close enough to death that they often go willingly. Arterton is more sporatic and violent about her method of killing. It turns out Arterton is Ronan's mother, who turned her into a vampire to be closer to her and able to protect her. It also turns out that there is some kind of order of vampires with a code that says only men can be vampires, so they're always being hunted by the angry boy vampires. That part was kind of lame, but whatever. The way they turned into vampires was pretty cool, too. Seated at the base of a waterfall was some kind of hybrid mix of the cave young Bruce Wayne fell into in Batman Begins and the teleporter from The Fly. They hopped into that thing and suddenly their clone (or some kind of weird reflection of their life) showed up and drained their blood, and they were resurrected as a vampire. I watched this pretty late at night, so if I got that wrong, and they explained it better in the movie, I apologize. I did enjoy it though. It also had the weird guy with the long red hair from Antiviral.

56. Big Bad Wolves (2013)

January 26, 2014

The first third of this movie was amazing. I was thoroughly entertained and couldn't wait to see what happened next. Unfortunately, it got incredibly stupid, and then it just kept getting worse. So if you watch it, just stick with it until the torture starts and then turn it off and make up what you think should happen in your own mind. I really think they ran out of ideas, because where they took this movie was so far in the wrong direction that I almost didn't finish it (and it takes a lot for me to not want to finish a movie). It was about a little girl who went missing and some cops (just slightly on the crooked side) interrogate a suspect by beating him with a phone book and other various, blunt objects. That isn't the torture I was referring to above, by the way. Then it becomes more of a mystery about who really kidnapped the girl, and who else was involved. A mysterious man starts following the suspect and eventually abducts him and one of the cops, and takes them back to his secluded house in the woods where he explains to them that he is the father of that little girl and he is going to torture this guy until he talks (this is where I suggest you stop the tape, rewind, and take it back). It isn't fun after that. In fact, I hate movies like this. I like a good revenge or vigilante justice type of movie, but when you don't even know if the person being tortured is the right guy and you don't have any reason to like the person doing the torturing, I'm just not interested.

55. About Time (2013)

January 26, 2014

About Time is the kind of movie I just shouldn't really watch. Don't get me wrong, I loved it, but it was one of those movies where you know what is going to happen and it still is really upsetting. The story involves the men in one British family having the ability to time travel if they go to a dark place and clench their fists tight and think of the time in their past they want to revisit. It sounds pretty silly, and leave it to the British to make time travel cheeky, but it was really good. Ultimately, it is about the love between a father and a son, and how important that relationship is. Bill Nighy plays the father in the story. His son, played by Bill Weasley (Domhnall Gleeson), is the one who does most of the time travelling in the movie, and he gets to see the effect of his actions each time he time travels. Don't expect a scientifically accurate or acceptable movie. Just acknowledge that the men in the family can and do travel through time, and enjoy the movie for what it is.

54. Mud (2012)

January 26, 2014

Until recently, my wife and I had never been big fans of Matthew McConoughey, but he has really been awesome lately! McConoughey plays the title character, Mud, as a mysterious drifter with a strange past. The main characters in the film are Ellis and Neckbone, two kids that live on the river and meet Mud one day when they are exploring and find a boat stuck up in a tree. Mud tells the boys his story about how he is waiting for his girlfriend who is coming to get him so they can leave and start their lives over. It turns out that Mud's girlfriend (Reese Witherspoon) had been dating another man who was abusive to her, and Mud actually killed that man, so now the man's family start antagonizing Witherspoon to try to get to Mud. It was more complex than that, though. As good as McConoughey is as Mud, the boy who played Ellis is really the star of the show, and he will be someone who hopefully makes it big. It was a very good movie that was slow in parts but always interesting.

53. The Horror Show (1989)

January 26, 2014

If they hadn't both come out in 1989, I might have thought The Horror Show was a sequel to Wes Craven's Shocker (or vice versa). As it is, The Horror Show was released as the second sequel in the House series (although it has absolutely nothing to do with the other House movies). Lance Henriksen stars as a tough cop credited with taking down the sadistic serial killer, Meat Cleaver Max. At Max's execution, he vows to come back and kill Henriksen and his family. At first it seems like Henriksen is going crazy until people start turning up dead all around him and his family thinks he is behind it. Henriksen has to find a way to catch Max and save his family while trying to prove his innocence. It was an entertaining movie that seems to have been mostly forgotten over the years - overshadowed by the more popular cult classic, Shocker.

52. Dallas Buyers Club (2013)

January 25, 2014

This was my second time watching Dallas Buyers Club. So far I've seen seven of the nine Best Picture Oscar nominated movies this year and this is by far my favorite. Matthew McConoughey gives an outstanding performance as a heterosexual man who contracts HIV from having unprotected sex and subsequently gets AIDS. He refuses to give in to the virus, however, and since the FDA and the doctors will not prescribe anything worthwhile, he goes to Mexico to get some real help. Then he ends up bringing back a bunch of vitamins and other, healthier alternatives to the FDA approved medicine, and starts a 'buyers club' where people buy a membership and get all the drugs they need for free (since selling drugs directly is illegal). He befriends a transvestite (Jared Leto) who also has the virus, and together they create an impressive operation and help a lot of sick people. This was a very powerful movie, and shows McConoughey's transformation from a drug-using, promiscuous, slightly bigoted dirtbag to a decent human being through adversity. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and check it out.

51. I, Frankenstein (2014)

January 25, 2014

Even though it is only January, I would be willing to say I, Frankenstein will be the worst movie of 2014. I knew it was going to be bad from the trailer, and when my friend Patrick asked me if I was up for the challenge of sitting through this movie with him, I accepted. We were both hoping for that so-bad-its-good satisfaction, but it didn't even come close. From the atrocious dialogue, to the lamest CGI, to the worst acting I've seen in a long time, I, Frankenstein could possibly be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. When Victor Frankenstein tries to destroy his creation (Aaron Eckhart), he fails and only manages to make the creature mad. The creature then kills Frankenstein's wife and when Frankenstein seeks revenge, he ends up freezing to death. The creature takes Frankenstein's body to the cemetery to bury him and encounters demons and gargoyles and he learns that they have been fighting a war for centuries that the humans know nothing about. Later on it can be seen that the reason no humans know about the war is because no humans live in London, apparently. I think they were just too lazy to throw in some CGI people walking around. That doesn't matter. What matters is this movie was terrible. Please don't waste your time or money on this pathetic drivel.

50. Bernie (2011)

January 25, 2014

Bernie tells the true story of Bernie Tiede (Jack Black), a small-town undertaker that everybody knows and loves. When a wealthy older woman's (Shirley MacLaine) husband dies, Bernie begins spending a lot of time with her. They go on vacations and take walks, until eventually she starts treating him like her personal servant and he feels smothered by her. One day, he gets so sick of her constant nagging that he kills her, and hides her body in a cooler in the garage. Then, for several months, he pretends she is either away or sick so people won't ask too many questions. When he gets caught, the town rallies to support him during the trial, even though he freely admits to killing her. Bernie was a really good movie that feels very strange to watch. It was set up as a pseudo documentary, even though it really was a true story. The most interesting thing is how striking the resemblance is between Jack Black & Shirley MacLaine and the real Bernie Tiede & the old woman.

49. Fargo (1996)

January 25, 2014

Like a lot of people I know, I've always been hit or miss with the Coen brothers. I loved O Brother Where Art Thou, but I hated Burn After Reading. Fargo fell pretty close to the first category. I wouldn't say I loved it, but I thought it was really good. William H. Macy stars as a car salesman who hires a couple thugs (Steve Buscemi and Peter Stormare) to kidnap his wife so his father-in-law will put up a ransom that he will then collect half of. The kidnapping gets botched and results in several murders along the way. A pregnant cop (Frances McDormand) in the small town where three of the murders took place investigates the murders and follows a trail that leads her to all of the guilty parties involved. The movie is known for the northern accents the actors had to use, which were pretty funny albeit a little distracting at times.

48. Dodgeball (2004)

January 25, 2014

I worked at a movie theater when Dodgeball came out, but I never saw it until now. I did have to clean the theater during the credits, so I was well aware of the morbidly obese Ben Stiller singing Kelis' Milkshake. That was never very funny to me, but seeing it now (in context), gives me an appreciation for it. I actually really enjoyed Dodgeball. Ben Stiller runs a multi-million dollar uber-gym, for the beautiful people, and across the street in a run-down brick building, Vince Vaughn runs a gym for the regular people who can't afford a personal trainer, but can appreciate the laid back atmosphere there. When Stiller threatens to buy Vaughn's gym and turn it into a parking lot, Vaughn and his friends from the gym decide to compete in a dodgeball tournament to make enough money to keep the gym open. Stiller finds out about the competition and decides to join to make sure they don't win, and the two teams work their way to the championship match, ending in a one-on-one sudden death throw out that Vaughn chooses to do blind-folded. The supporting cast is really what makes this movie hilarious, with Alan Tudyk, Justin Long, Stephen Root, Rip Torn, and a bunch of other funny people. It isn't touching or intelligent or anything like that, but it is worth watching for a good laugh.

47. The Beast Within (1982)

January 25, 2014

The Beast Within is a fairly strange movie. It begins with a couple's car getting stuck and when the man goes to get help, the woman ends up getting raped by some kind of swamp creature. Seventeen years later, the offspring of that rape starts changing physically and mentally. He turns into that same sort of weird swamp man and starts killing the people in the town. Meanwhile, when the boy is not in swamp thing form, he meets and falls for a girl with an abusive father, and that causes a lot of tension. The movie comes full circle at the end, which I won't spoil for you here. I will say that this is one worth watching for curiosity sake. It never got the attention it probably deserved and, now that Scream Factory has released it on blu-ray, hopefully it will find a new audience to bewilder.

46. Primal Fear (1996)

January 23, 2014

Primal Fear was a really cool movie. Edward Norton makes his feature debut as a poor kid with a split personality that may or may not have just killed a priest. Richard Gere stars as a former prosecutor turned big time defense lawyer who decides to take Norton's case pro-bono to get some additional press. Laura Linney plays Gere's former first assistant prosecutor tasked with prosecuting Norton. Norton gets caught red handed, literally, covered in blood and running from the crime scene, so everyone believes he is guilty. Gere believes everyone is innocent until proven guilty, but even he knows there is enough evidence to send Norton to the chair. As he gets to know Norton, and hear his story, he starts to believe otherwise. When it is too late to offer the judge (Alfre Woodard) a plea of insanity, he comes up with a plot to prove to the court that Norton is insane, and it works all too well. It is a very interesting character study on the criminally insane and how far people are willing to go to uncover the truth.

45. The Act of Killing (2012)

January 23, 2014

I don't often get excited about documentaries, but when I saw the trailer for The Act of Killing I knew I had to see it. I wish I would have stopped at the trailer, though. The movie was about Indonesian gangster/executioner Anwar Congo, who was responsible for the deaths of thousands of people 40 years ago. The premise of the movie, or at least what I gathered from the trailer, was that a film crew would go talk to this guy and get him to revisit and stage his mass killings on film to show him what a monster he was. He eventually seemed like he kind of felt sorry for what he did, but he still seemed like he was proud of it. I think the one thing the film really accomplished was it made me never want to go to Indonesia, which is a shame because I'd love to travel to that area someday. If it was made as an anti-tourism film, then it really worked, but if its intentions were to teach an evil man a lesson in humanity, I'm afraid it failed.

44. Rush (2013)

January 22, 2014

Rush was about as exciting as formula one racing gets, in my opinion. I don't find anything interesting about people racing cars, so it took a little work to get me compelled to watch the movie. I'm glad I did though, as it was about more than racing, and it showcased two of the most competitive people, who were polar opposites of each other, doing what they love doing against all odds. Daniel Brühl played Niki Lauda, an Austrian driver who would not accept defeat, and his strict training regimen and attention to detail gave him the ability to win. Chris Hemsworth played James Hunt, a really good driver who enjoyed the limelight more than training, but still had the drive to beat everyone else. The two hated yet respected each other, which led to some intense meetings. When Lauda's body was burnt terribly in a crash, Hunt got the upper hand and had an opportunity to win whatever trophy you get for winning at racing. Lauda, however, wouldn't take it lying down, so he willed himself to get back behind the wheel and try to finish racing. There was one moment in the film that made it absolutely worth while, and it was probably one of the best scenes I've seen so far this year - Lauda was giving a press conference after the accident when a reporter asked him what his wife thought of how he looked now. Lauda played it off and made something nice up that she might have said, and the reporter pressed on, asking if he thought she would stay with him now that he looks like a monster. Lauda ended the press conference with that, clearly hurt by the question. Without anyone else seeing, Hunt approached the reporter and proceeded to beat his face in and then told him to go home to his wife and ask her how he looks now. That scene obviously stuck with me, and made me really appreciate the film and the relationship between the characters. If that isn't enough to make you want to watch it, consider that Ron Howard directed it, so you know it is probably pretty good.

43. All Is Lost (2013)

January 22, 2014

I can only assume a lot of hard work and perseverance went into making All Is Lost, and I appreciate that. It can't be easy to make an entire movie about one guy on a boat that is sinking, but they managed to pull it off. That said, it is a movie about a guy on a boat that is sinking. Pretty boring. I was definitely intrigued at first, but half way through I think I just wanted him to give up so they could end the movie. He didn't give up, though. When his boat went under, he got on his inflatable raft and salvaged as much supplies as he could. The ending leaves some things up to interpretation, like whether or not he dies or gets saved, and I would have preferred a much more definitive ending. Very strong performance by Robert Redford, who stars as the only person in the film, and is credited as "Our Man". Watch it if you like bleak, desolate movies with no clear resolution.

42. Bad Milo! (2013)

January 21, 2014

This was the second time I've watched Bad Milo!. The first time, I absolutely loved it and thought it was hilarious. I also loved it for the fact that it uses body humor in a weird way, like some of my favorite Frank Henenlotter films. This time watching it, unfortunately, I was really tired. I managed to stay awake for the whole movie, but I'm pretty sure I had some awkward scattalogical creature kinds of dreams which kind of freaks me out. It is about a guy (Ken Marino from The State) who gets so stressed out by work and his home life that he begins having horrible stomach pains, and as fate would have it, he poops out a little monster that happens to kill the people who stress him out. Then the monster has to climb back in the way it came out, which I'm sure would be insanely uncomfortable, but still pretty funny. Also, you can't go wrong with a supporting cast including Peter Stormare, Stephen Root, Mary Kay Place, and Patrick Warburton. So maybe the lesson here is watch Bad Milo! but not right before bed. Or, maybe, do watch before bed. Whatever floats your boat.

41. Despicable Me 2 (2012)

January 20, 2014

One of the things about babysitting for a friend is I end up seeing kids movies that I normally wouldn't see. Such is the case for Despicable Me 2. I can't remember why I watched the first one, but I remember I did think it was kind of a fun movie, which is why I wasn't opposed to watching the sequel (if I'm being honest, the movie was chosen by a 3 year old so whether I wanted to watch it or not I didn't have much choice in the matter). As is usually the case with sequels, it didn't match the first one by any means, but it wasn't without its charm, and I'm glad I got to see it. Gru, the villain-turned-good-guy-dad from the first film, is continuing life as a good guy and gets chosen by the Anti-Villain League to track down a new bad guy and bring him to justice. In the meantime, Gru's oldest adopted daughter falls in love and Gru does his best to stop it. Through some clever detective work, Gru solves the case and happens to fall in love with his new partner. It was cute, and probably a lot more entertaining when watched with a little kid who really enjoyed it (ok, if I'm being honest again, the kid went to bed about 30 minutes into the movie and my wife and I watched the rest of it on our own).

40. Stand Up Guys (2012)

January 19, 2014

Stand Up Guys was better than I thought it would be, but not great. Three aged former partners in crime (Christopher Walken, Al Pacino, and Alan Arkin) get one last go at it when Pacino gets out of jail. The problem is, Walken has been chosen to kill Pacino, and if he doesn't do it then his boss will kill his granddaughter. Pacino figures it out, and doesn't blame Walken, but together they try to work out a way to not make it happen. Arkin was the best part of the movie, giving a moving performance and providing some extra comic relief. All in all, I'd say Stand Up Guys was decent and solid, but not really anything special.

39. Brazil (1985)

January 19, 2014

Terry Gilliam's Brazil is one of the greatest cinematic accomplishments of all time. I've seen it many times, but this was the first time I've had the privilege of seeing this classic on the big screen. It is set in a future dystopia where "terrorists" blow up shops and restaurants and the government controls everything with an iron fist and several forms with the proper signatures and stamps. When a mistake is made and a man named Buttle is arrested instead of Tuttle, the different departments of the government (in typical beurocratic fashion) try to sweep it under the rug and lay the blame on someone else. Meanwhile, Jonathan Pryce, a worker in the ministry of information, and a constant daydreamer who wants nothing more than to live an ordinary life with no big changes despite his mother using her power to get him a promotion, becomes involved in the Tuttle/Buttle debacle. As he chases the girl of his dreams (literally), he slowly descends into a state of madness. Brazil is, in my opinion, perfect. It is one of the most brilliantly written stories ever put on film, and I urge you, if you haven't seen it yet, to go out and give it a try.

38. Jug Face (2013)

January 19, 2014

The only thing I knew about Jug Face going into it was that it was produced by Modernciné, Andrew van den Houten's production company. They are responsible for The Woman, Headspace, Offspring, and many other recent independent horror films, so it had that going for it, and that was enough for me to want to see it. It followed a backwoods group of rednecks that worshiped a deep pit in the ground and whenever the chosen potter made a jug with someone's face on it, that someone then had to be sacrificed to the pit in order to save everyone else from being killed. Usually they went willingly, almost proud to be chosen to satisfy the pit's hunger, but one girl was not so eager to be sacrificed, and when she found her face on a jug at the potter's hut, she stole it and hid it in the woods. The people, who knew there was to be a sacrifice but didn't know who yet, panicked when the potter said he couldn't find the jug, so they told him to make one by memory. Unfortunately he remembered the wrong face and they killed the wrong guy. This obviously didn't make the pit happy, so people started dying. The girl tried running away but didn't get far and soon the people discovered what she had done and tried to make things right. It was a weird concept that sort of worked, although a lot of concessions need to be made by the viewer. For instance, you just have to accept that the pit is what it is and if you don't do what it wants it will kill you.

37. 12 Years A Slave (2013)

January 19, 2014

I feel like I'm really not supposed to say anything bad about 12 Years A Slave because it was based on some of the most shameful real events in human history, but I can't honestly say I enjoyed it. After a few minutes of torture I was ready to turn off the movie. I get the picture, white people were, for the most part, appallingly cruel to black people. I don't need to watch it happen for two hours to know that. I know I sound hypocritical since I do enjoy watching horror movies and quite often in some movies you see much more violence on a much grander scale, but when it comes to real life atrocities in such brutal detail, I honestly think the torture in this movie is much more disturbing than almost any horror movie out there. I feel like I had to make that disclaimer before actually talking about the movie. The performances in 12 Years A Slave were absolutely fantastic. Chiwetel Ejiofor stars as a prominent, free man who is taken away from his home and family and sold into slavery by some of the most disgusting people the world has seen. He tries his best to keep out of the spotlight and just do what he is told on the hopes that someday he will go home. Like I mentioned above, a lot of this movie involves him and other slaves getting mercilessly tortured by barbarous cowards. In the end, Brad Pitt (who coincidentally produced this movie) turns out to be one of the few good white people, and he finds Ejiofor's former slave owner (the man who had previously freed him) and tells him what is going on. Ejiofor gets reunited with his family after 12 years and is introduced to his grandchild for the first time. Yes, it was a good movie, with very solid performances, and yes, it may make you break down in tears when he sees his family again, or when thinking about the awful things that really happened. No, I would not watch this movie again.

36. Bad Grandpa (2013)

January 18, 2014

I'm not sure why I watched Bad Grandpa. It wasn't something I thought looked particularly entertaining, and it isn't generally the kind of movie I like to watch. However, I couldn't believe how funny I found it. Johnny Knoxville was hilarious and very convincing as the eccentric old codger who, against his will and best intentions, takes on the responsibility of caring for his grandson when his daughter has to go to prison and the kid's dad is a total deadbeat. Most of the time I couldn't tell how many of the people involved were in on the joke and just acting and how many of them were genuinely upset by the obnoxious antics of the grandpa and his grandson. It was clearly a lot funnier than I anticipated, although I'd be worried to watch it again and potentially not like it as much the second time. On occasion I've been known to really enjoy something that is distinctly terrible only to go back later and realize the true nature of it. Or, maybe it was really that funny. I'd say from how much I enjoyed it that it is at least worth watching once. Whether you like it or not, one thing is for sure, and that is the makeup effects they did for the grandpa were spectacular.

35. Devil's Due (2014)

January 18, 2014

I was pleasantly surprised by Devil's Due. I think I would have to say this was my favorite found footage film yet (I guess that makes it the tallest midget). Anyway, a couple goes on honeymoon and on the last night out they get black out drunk and can't remember anything. Turns out the wife got pregnant, and now strange things are happening to the couple and all around them. The husband notices the changes in his wife's behavior and starts trying to figure out what is wrong with her. He re-watches their honeymoon video and notices some weird, devil-worshiping type stuff happening on the night they blacked out. Then he realizes too late that there are a lot of people who are working together to make sure this baby is born. The only issue I had with the movie was the fact that it was found footage, so it was purely aesthetic and the content was a lot of fun.

34. Fire With Fire (2012)

January 17, 2014

I went into Fire With Fire with little expectations, although I was hoping to see more Bruce Willis. He had maybe ten minutes of total screen time. It was a fairly decent movie, though. Josh Duhamel (who I really liked in Scenic Route) stars as a firefighter who witnesses a double homicide in a local convenience store by a gang of white supremacists led by Vincent D'Onofrio. Duhamel picks D'Onofrio out of a lineup and, knowing the history of this gang since they killed his partner, Willis has Duhamel put in witness protection. They pick a spot they think nobody will find him, but of course they do and they send two assassins after him. Duhamel ends up dating one of the FBI agents assigned to his protection, and when she gets shot he goes on a vigilante killing spree, taking out gang members left and right and working his way up to the boss. The movie ends in a cliche but satisfying way, and I enjoyed it.

33. The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)

January 17, 2014

I wasn't that interested in The Wolf of Wall Street to being with, but it ended up being a pretty good movie. Despite being a little too long, it had enough momentum to keep me interested to the end. Leonardo DiCaprio stars as a cut-throat stockbroker engrossed in the most debaucherous lifestyle imaginable. It was based on the real life story of Jordan Belfort, and his self-propelled rise to riches and infamy. The movie follows his journey from his first job selling stocks (where he gets mentored by the impeccable Matthew McConaughey), to starting his own business with a group of friends and fellow degenerates (including Jonah Hill), to a no-holds-barred life of decadence, promiscuity, and intemperance, ultimately culminating in a massive fall-out when the FBI gets involved. I would recommend this to anyone who was a fan of Scorsese's earlier works, as it seems to be a return to form for him, and to anyone who loves to watch a train wreck.

32. Blast Vegas (2013)

January 16, 2014

After their unlikely smash hit, Sharknado, SyFy followed up with the lazy and thoroughly unsatisfying pile of garbage that is Blast Vegas. Watching this, I really felt sorry for Frankie Muniz and Barry Bostwick. They must have desperately needed the money. The CGI was absolutely ridiculous, and half of it was recycled several times throughout the movie. Let me be clear - I know that when you sit down to watch a movie with the SyFy logo on it, you are pretty much guaranteed to watch a terrible movie (and sometimes that can be pretty fun), but I expected it to be at least a little bit entertaining. A group of fraternity brothers gets to Vegas at the same time as a group of sorority sisters and the two groups start mingling. Next thing you know, they've unleashed an ancient Egyptian curse upon Las Vegas. There is a giant CGI sand snake that flies around and sucks people into it, and a CGI tiger that is too slow to catch one girl even when she stops to try to get around a semi that is stuck in the road. Not to mention the guy that keeps trying to cross the street at the exact time when the one car on the street is weaving through wrecked cars. It becomes up to Muniz, Bostwick, and Muniz' new girlfriend to outsmart the curse and put a stop to all the madness. They eventually do, with several casualties and stupid sub-plots along the way.

31. Silent Running (1972)

January 16, 2014

A few weeks back, a friend of mine told me he watched Silent Running and couldn't believe how boring it was. I'm not sure why, but after that I really wanted to watch it. Bruce Dern stars as one of four astronauts on a space station whose mission is to save and sustain an eco-system that can no longer be produced on Earth with the current climate conditions. When the government advises them that the mission is over and they should destroy the eco-systems and head home, three of the astronauts are ecstatic, leaving a furious Dern to try to save the trees. Dern goes a little haywire and ends up killing his cohorts, lying to the folks back on Earth, and befriending some robots by re-programming them to help him keep things alive. Granted, it was a pretty slow movie, but I couldn't help but be fascinated by the whole spectacle of it. Dern's acting was superb, the model sets they built were beautiful, and the gradual degradation of everything involved was spot on. Maybe it helped to have a not-so-good review going in to it to clear my mind of any preconceived notions of what I was about to see. It isn't a modern blockbuster with gratuitous violence or explosions or whatever, so don't expect that.

30. Percy Jackson - Sea of Monsters (2013)

January 15, 2014

Percy Jackson - Sea of Monsters is another sequel that doesn't live up to its predecessor, but still has enough entertainment value to be worth watching. It relies far too heavily on CGI, making it feel like a live-action cartoon (but not in a cool, Ralph Bakshi kind of way). The story picks up pretty soon after the first one ended, with Percy and all of the other demi-gods, satyrs, centaurs, and random mythological beings in some kind of safe haven for everything good. When their fortress of solitude is penetrated by an evil force, Percy and his friends go on a quest to find the Golden Fleece to revive the dying tree that had provided them with their force-field of safety before the bad guy can find the fleece for his own evil-doing and raise the Titans from their grave. There is plenty of action and fun, and the beautiful Alexandria Daddario co-stars as Percy's best friend. Again, it is worth watching if you liked the first one, but not particularly special.

29. Ed & His Dead Mother (1993)

January 15, 2014

After the death of his mother, Ed (Steve Buscemi) meets a typical, shady salesman (John Glover) who promises Ed he can bring his mother back to life for a thousand bucks. Ed agrees and the salesman actually delivers (after raising the price). Ed's mother lives for about a day before she croaks again and then the salesman comes back to sell more 'life' for a hefty pricetag. The 'life' turns out to be a canister of bugs which Ed is supposed to feed to his mother, two per night. The mom ends up overdosing on life, however, and soon needs more to sustain her hunger. She starts eating dogs and eventually people until she is so far out of control that Ed pays the salesman the rest of his inheritance to kill his mom. It was actually a really fun movie that never got the recognition it deserved.

28. Baxter (1989)

January 14, 2014

Baxter is a French movie I wanted to see for years and I think I liked it but I also feel a little disappointed because it had way more potential. Its mostly from the perspective of a dog (Baxter) who gets passed around from family to family for one reason or another until he ends up with a little sociopathic boy who has recently become obsessed with Hitler. He even tries to date a girl who he feels looks like Eva Braun. Baxter loves the boy until he realizes the boy is nuts, and then it is all downhill from there. Worth watching, but the ending could have been so much better.

27. Immortality (aka The Wisdom of Crocodiles) (1998)

January 14, 2014

I was pretty surprised to find a vampire movie starring Jude Law that I'd never even heard of, but after I watched it I wasn't surprised at all. Law stars as a vampire-ish guy that stays young and healthy by making women fall in love with him and then, when they love him the most, killing them and basically drinking the love from their blood. Then one day he falls in love with a girl and can't make up his mind if he wants to kill her or not, so he hesitates and she freaks and gets away. Then she comes back but he doesn't eat her and then he wants to eat her again. It is a silly concept, but not a terrible movie, just an OK one.

26. Trespass (2011)

January 13, 2014

Once again, I was in the mood to watch a goofy Nicolas Cage movie, only this time I was actually pretty disappointed. Cage stars alongside Nicole Kidman as a diamond salesman who has recently lost his job but hasn't told anyone yet. Cage and Kidman's marriage is strained and they are on the brink of divorce. Their daughter is a typical teenage idiot who just wants to party and hates her parents and all that. One day, a gang of thugs breaks in to their house while they are inside and holds them hostage while they look for diamonds. The criminals know a lot about the family somehow and basically spend the rest of the movie yelling at everyone. So I wasn't too crazy about this movie, but it wasn't Cage or Kidman's fault. They were both pretty decent. However, I do blame the rest of the cast and an awful script.

25. Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

January 12, 2014

First off, if you haven't seen the first Kick-Ass yet, please do so right now.
While it doesn't compare to the epic awesomeness of the first movie, Kick-Ass 2 is still a really good sequel. This one introduces a lot more superheroes into the mix, led by Colonel Stars and Stripes (Jim Carrey). Even though Hit Girl (Chloe Grace-Moretz) was still really cool, her story was by far the weakest part of this movie since she spent most of it avoiding her superhero identity. With a nefarious army of evildoers plotting to kill Kick-Ass, and the police rounding up all masked vigilantes, it is up to the superhero crew to rise up and save the day. It wasn't as violent as the first one, and it didn't have that new superhero smell, but despite it's faults, I still really enjoyed it.

24. We Are What We Are (2013)

January 12, 2014

I feel slightly ashamed that I saw We Are What We Are before I even knew it was a remake of a Spanish movie from 2010. Normally I would avoid the American remake on principal, as was the case with Let Me In (a remake of the Swedish vampire film, Let The Right One In, that was made only 2 years after the original). I'm not a big fan of movies being remade right after they are made, especially if the only significant change comes from making it easier for people who don't want to read subtitles. I did finally watch Let Me In, and while it wasn't a bad movie, I still felt slightly dirty watching it, like I was letting down a friend.
Anyway, this isn't about either of those movies, it is about the American version of We Are What We Are, and for what it was, it was a pretty good movie. It moved a little slow in parts, but families of cannibals usually make for good entertainment. The film starts with a woman who dies mysteriously outside of a grocery store. Her husband and children try to continue life without her, with the oldest daughter assuming the responsibilities of the mother. The family has a long and sordid history of cannibalism, which has become their way of life as opposed to a strange tradition. The children are clearly uncomfortable with the way they live, and dream of leaving the small town and moving on to bigger and better things, but things like that are always easier said than done. As the town's mortician begins to uncover clues to their unsavory lifestyle from the mother's body, the father tries to keep his family together and keep everyone else from meddling in their affairs. It all culminates in a pretty brutal and shocking bloodbath which made the movie all the more entertaining.

23. We Are The Night (2010)

January 11, 2014

I think it is safe to say we have enough American vampire movies out there that we'd be OK if they stopped making any for a while (unless they make more movies like Stake Land). However, We Are The Night was German, and I think foreign countries should keep making awesome vampire movies for as long as they can. I've never really liked the whole vampire royalty thing like in True Blood, and nobody who cares about anything good likes Twilight or anything inspired by it, so I was very relieved to find that the vampires in We Are The Night are just a pack of fun-loving, blood-sucking vampires. That's it and that's all, man. Well, there is one rule, and that is only girls can be vampires. They gave a reason but I didn't think it was important so I forgot it. The film follows a young girl who nobody really cares about until one of the vampires decides to make her one of them. The girl is reluctant throughout and can't stand the thought of killing people, so she fights that side of it while embracing the wild and crazy cool side of it. The other vampires try to find her some scumbags to eat and when things get messy the cops start getting involved and begin to hunt down the girls. I would recommend this movie to anyone interested in a modern vampire movie that doesn't act like a teenage chick flick.

22. Berberian Sound Studio (2012)

January 11, 2014

Berberian Sound Studio was another recommendation from my older brother, so I was excited to see it. Unfortunately, I just really didn't get it. It was definitely surreal, which can be great, and it seemed like it was so close to being awesome, it just didn't make very much sense. It started with a seemingly well-known audio engineer for movies (Toby Jones) going to an Italian sound studio to record the sound effects for an upcoming horror film even though horror was not his forte. Then it slowly unravels and turns into a sort of movie within a movie, where the guy is making the sound effects for a real life horror film that he doesn't know he is actually in. At least I think that is what happened. I guess it was supposed to be some kind of avante-garde 'life imitating art' movie, but I thought it was a bit of a mess.

21. Her (2013)

January 10, 2014

I've heard a lot of people rave about Her, but to be honest, I really didn't like it. My wife fell asleep shortly after it started, and I think that was probably a wise decision. About 75% of the film is just staring at Joaquin Phoenix's mopey face and listening to him talk to his computer, which may as well be a girl on the phone. So in essence, we are just watching one side of a conversation for a couple hours. The only 'shocking' thing about the movie is that he isn't talking to a real person, he is talking to an operating system with an artificial conscience, which if we're being honest will probably not be too far from reality for some people in the near future. The other 25% of the movie is actually kind of interesting, and features some fun characters and situations, but not enough to save me from the boredom of the rest of it. So if you're like most of the people I've talked to, you'll absolutely love Her and think it is one of the greatest things ever... but if you're like me, you'll be pretty bored and you shouldn't waste your time.

20. Hellroller (1992)

January 9, 2014

Hellroller was a strange film about a homeless, wheelchair bound, serial killer with a stutter. With a description like that (aside from the serial killer part), it is hard not to feel sorry for him. That is, until you see him and hear how crazy he is. He starts killing young women in various bizarre ways and not for any good reason. Assisting him with his murders is his slow friend, "the Fellini of horror pictures in Tennessee." The production value makes the movie look like it was made at least ten years earlier (and not in a good way). It does have a pretty unique killer, so it has that going for it I guess.

Here is a clip to show you just how great it is:

19. Regarding Henry (1991)

January 9, 2014

Regarding Henry was another film suggested by my friend Liz, and I have to say I really enjoyed this one as well. It stars Harrison Ford as Henry, a hot shot lawyer who pretty much never loses a case. He goes down to the shop one night to buy some cigarettes and ends up getting shot in the head and suffering brain damage. Through a long rehabilitation process, he regains some of his memory and most of his mobility, but he loses that competitive edge that made him such a good lawyer. He finds out things about his past that he doesn't like and does his best to make amends. It was a feel good movie and I was in the mood for it, so I liked it a lot.

18. All The Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006)

January 8, 2014

For some reason, this movie sat for 7 years before getting released. Too bad, because it really is a good movie. Mandy Lane (Amber Heard) is a high-school girl who, as the title suggests, is loved by all the boys. She gets invited to a party at one of the cool kid's parents' house and decides to go, despite being modest and slightly disinterested. The other kids at the party all make an attempt to come on to Mandy, but she turns them all down. Shortly thereafter, the other kids at the party all start to turn up dead, as it seems someone isn't too happy about them hitting on Mandy. For a modern-day, indie slasher film, I thought it was really enjoyable. I would definitely watch it again. With movies like this, Trick 'R Treat, and Cabin in the Woods getting shelved by the studios for so long, it makes me wonder what else they're holding out on us with...

17. Stolen (2012)

January 8, 2014

Sometimes I just get in the mood to watch a goofy Nicolas Cage movie. I watched Stolen without knowing anything about it, and yes it was pretty goofy, but it was also a lot of fun. Nicolas Cage stars as pretty much the greatest thief ever (even the law respects his work)... When one of his accomplices (Josh Lucas - who just so happens to have been in another movie called Stolen that came out in 2009) makes a mistake, Cage gets caught, but not before he gets rid of the $10 million he stole by burning it. Taking a reduced sentence because he didn't have the money when he was arrested, Cage spends the next 8 years in jail. Fast forward 8 years, and Nicolas Cage gets out and claims he is done being a thief. His daughter, who is now a teenager, gets kidnapped by Lucas who spent the last 8 years thinking about that $10 million dollars they lost. He tells Cage that unless he gets his money, he will kill his daughter. So Cage is forced to do what he does best with the police breathing down his neck at every turn. There was some pretty good action with car chases and shootouts and stuff like that, and I enjoyed watching it a lot more than I thought I would.

16. Ain't Them Bodies Saints (2013)

January 7, 2014

I heard somewhere that the director of Ain't Them Bodies Saints got some song lyrics wrong and that is how they came up with the title of the movie. Kind of a funny story (and it may not even be true), but to me that's a bit like having a baby and naming it after a song you thought you heard on the way to the hospital. Regardless, this was a pretty good movie. Casey Affleck and Rooney Mara star as young lovers who are about to have a baby. But before they do, they steal some money and get chased by the police. Mara shoots a police officer (Ben Foster) and Affleck takes the blame. He gets sentenced to several years in prison and his baby is born while he is on the inside. A few years in, he breaks out and tries to get back home with the authorities closing in on him. It has been done before, but it was still a good movie, with solid performances. Mara was not bad, but Affleck and Foster really carried the movie and made it worth watching.

15. Barbarella (1968)

January 7, 2014

I'm really glad I watched Barbarella. Not because it was a "good" movie, but because it was something really unusual. A frequently naked Jane Fonda stars as Barbarella, an astronaut and space explorer in the distant future given a task to track down and retrieve Durand Durand, the inventor of a weapon called the Positronic Ray. On her journey, Barbarella encounters a blind angel, an evil lesbian queen with an invisible dream fortress, a piano organ that pleasures people to death, and many more weird, wacky, and wonderful situations. They don't make them like this anymore and they probably never will again.

14. The Factory (2012)

January 7, 2014

John Cusack stars as a detective on the hunt for a prostitute kidnapping psychopath. The psychopath, played by Dallas Roberts, takes the girls on the assumption that nobody will notice that they're missing, and he tries to get them pregnant. Family is important, you know, and he wants to do his part keeping that dream alive. Cusack's obnoxious teenage daughter meets up with her boyfriend at a diner and coincidentally gets abducted by Roberts which heats up the chase even more. Cusack's partner (Jennifer Carpenter) is a tough cop with a mysterious past. There is a bit of an unrealistic twist at the end that you can see coming and it tries hard to ruin this semi-good movie, but it was still worth watching once.

13. A Little Bit Zombie (2012)

January 5, 2014

Two couples go to a cottage in the woods to plan a wedding and the groom-to-be gets bit by a mosquito carrying infected blood from a zombie. Not a bad idea for a zombie movie, but it lacks some in the acting, which is somewhat to be expected for a modern, shoestring budget, teen zombie flick. When the groom-to-be, Steve, starts craving brains and turning into a dead guy, he tries his best to keep it together for his neurotic fiancee, Tina. When the group puts it together that Steve is becoming the undead, they try to get him brains without becoming his next meal and without putting him down. There are some funny scenes and the story moves along at a decent pace. Stephen McHattie does a good job as the tough guy zombie killer. If you're not already tired of indie zombie movies, give this a shot, it's not bad.