165. Stage Fright (2014)

April 4, 2014

I can't tell you how excited I was to see this movie. From the initial pictures I saw of it, I thought it was a remake of Michele Soavi's excellent film, but it wasn't. The trailer looked like an amazing new slasher film with a strong 80's vibe and a great new killer, but no such luck. Words can't describe just how disappointed I was when I watched this movie and realized it was essentially a long episode of Glee with the most annoying new killer and about five minutes of 'horror' thrown in. After a pretty impressive opening scene involving a masked killer stabbing Minnie Driver in the face, the movie takes a quick and devastating turn for the worse as a bus full of obnoxious theater kids start singing and making gay jokes for pretty much the rest of the movie. On top of that, the killer sang too (and he tried to sound like Axl Rose). As much as I wanted to like this movie, it was absolute garbage.

Here is the awesome trailer. Maybe it got my hopes too high because the trailer is WAY better than the actual movie...

164. The Illusionist (2006)

April 3, 2014

Overshadowed by The Prestige (another movie about a magician that came out in 2006), The Illusionist was, in my opinion, a far superior movie. Edward Norton gave his usual excellent performance as a true magician involved in a forbidden love affair with a duchess (Jessica Biel). Under the scrutiny of the police (led by Paul Giamatti), Norton used his magical abilities to make money and gain favor with the public with the ultimate goal being to take the duchess far away so they could be together. The Prince (Rufus Sewell) had other plans, however, and wanted Norton either dead or at least securely behind bars. Overcome with jealousy and hatred, Sewell gave Giamatti false hopes of becoming more than just a police chief someday if he would aid him in getting rid of Norton. With several twists along the way, The Illusionist is a movie I would definitely recommend.

163. Mary and Max (2009)

April 2, 2014

This was by far the most depressing stop motion animation film I've ever seen. It was beautiful, with a well written story, and (for the most part) likable characters. It tells the story of a little girl in Australia, Mary (voiced by Toni Collette), who doesn't have any friends and doesn't have very good parents. One day she finds a phone book with American names and addresses in it and she decides to start up a random correspondence. Her new pen-pal Max (voiced by Philip Seymour Hoffman) has Asperger's Syndrome, and the slightest irregularities can set him off. After gathering the courage to write her back, Max and Mary become unlikely friends and continue writing each other. The film takes a decidedly dark shift when Mary gets older and, crushed by disappointment (I won't give away why) she takes to drinking and taking pills. I will admit being a little overwhelmed by her transformation from a sweet little girl to a troubled young woman, and there is one scene in particular which is beautiful but still very hard to watch (you'll know what I mean). All in all, this is a film I would recommend everyone see, but don't expect a children's movie just because it is animated.

162. Smokin' Aces (2006)

April 1, 2014

Going in to this movie, I had no expectations and no idea as to what it was even about. I'm really glad I didn't, because it turned out to be a pretty awesome movie. Some mobsters put a million dollar hit out on a big-shot Vegas magician who was cutting in on their business, which brought the craziest and the best assassins out of the woodworks. The cops were aware of the situation, and tried to stay on top of things, but with as many assassins as there were coming, they didn't really stand a chance to control the situation. With a pretty good cast and a fantastic blood-drenched finale reminiscent of True Romance, I highly recommend Smokin' Aces. I've heard there is a sequel too, which I'll probably see someday but I'm hesitant to because it won't have the same element of surprise, and I'm pretty sure it went straight to video which is usually not a good sign for an action flick.

161. Thou Shalt Not Kill... Except (1985)

April 1, 2014

Thou Shalt Not Kill... Except was a pretty fun movie. It felt a little amateurish and dated, especially when you consider what the people involved went on to do (Bruce Campbell co-wrote it, and Sam Raimi played the main villain). It was directed by Josh Becker (whose film Lunatics...A Love Story is absolutely wonderful and truly deserves a blu-ray release), and features a cast of mostly unknown actors who didn't really go on to do much else. After losing several of his friends and getting injured during the Vietnam war, Sgt. Jack Stryker comes home to try to live a normal life again. When some of his buddies from the war show up to cheer him up, they end up finding a crazy, satanic cult in the middle of the woods, murdering and torturing innocent people. The soldiers go back into war-mode and start taking out the cult members before they can do any more harm. The movie felt a little long in places, but overall I would say it is worth watching.

March 2014 Recap

March was a busy month for me. I fell a bit behind schedule and was only able to watch 33 movies. Hopefully I'll be able to get back into the swing of things for the rest of the year... Here's my top 5 and bottom 5 for March, 2014:

My top 5 (in no particular order):
1. The Grand Budapest Hotel
2. All About Evil
3. Grand Piano
4. Not Suitable for Children
5. Surf II
Runner Up: The Naked Man

The bottom 5 (in no particular order)
1. Klown
2. The Ice Harvest
3. Gore-Met, Zombie Chef From Hell
4. 300 Rise of an Empire
5. Angel In Red
Runner Up: The Grifters

160. The Food of the Gods (1976)

March 31, 2014

The Food of the Gods is one of the ultimate campy movies. When a couple farmers stumble upon a fountain of ooze on their property, they think it is a gift from god and start mixing it with their chicken feed for no good reason. Turns out the stuff acts as the greatest growth hormone ever and the baby chickens quickly grow up to be as big or bigger than adult humans. The chickens aren't the only ones who eat the stuff, though, and rats and wasps and other nasty creatures end up gigantic and bloodthirsty as well. A few people get eaten by the rats and it becomes up to the star of some football team, some kind of scientist, and a man and his pregnant wife to put an end to the madness. I'd say it is worth a watch, just to say you've seen it.

159. Laserblast (1978)

March 31, 2014

Laserblast was kind of cool, but not by any means a good movie. I have no idea how old the characters were supposed to be, since the main guy looked like he was 30 but still lived with his mom and didn't seem like he had any kind of job. The plot was mostly pointless and a little too convenient. The guy went to visit his girlfriend and when her crazy grandpa sent him away, he drove into the desert and stopped his car right next to where aliens had just killed a guy and left the laser gun they were after. He picked up the gun and with the help of some kind of charm necklace he started shooting everything in sight. The problem was, the longer he wore the necklace, the more he turned into some kind of evil alien creature. With the aliens and the law closing in on him, he recklessly destroys cars and mailboxes and kills a few people along the way. There wasn't much point to it all but it was at least entertaining enough to watch. Also enjoyable to see Roddy McDowall in a short cameo as a doctor. Watch it if you are in the mood for a real campy alien flick from the 70s.

158. Dolemite (1975)

March 30, 2014

If you haven't seen Dolemite, what's wrong with you? The incomparable Rudy Ray Moore stars as Dolemite, the smooth talking, karate chopping, ladies' man who was wrongly arrested and sent to jail by crooked cops. With some help from Queen Bee the warden of the jail sides with Dolemite and let's him go free with the condition that he is to help stop the corruption in the police department. When he gets out everything is different, including his club, The Total Experience, which has been taken over by Dolemite's enemy, Willie Green. Dolemite has to take out the trash, from the crooked cops who keep trying to take him out to the pimps and hustlers who want to cut in on Dolemite's action. With plenty of sex, fighting, sex, revenge, and more sex, Dolemite is awesome. I highly recommend it.

157. 300 Rise of an Empire (2014)

March 28, 2014

300 Rise of an Empire was one of the most unnecessary sequels of all time. On top of that, it was an absolutely terrible movie. The plot is pretty straight forward, the Greeks and the Persians are still fighting, and the whole movie consists of several battles between the two. What makes it awful is the abysmal CGI (the blood looked like animated barbecue sauce), the cheesy acting (which was to be expected), and most of all - the main 'villain' of the movie (played by Eva Green) was shown as a child witnessing her parents murdered in front of her and then being kept as a sex slave to be raped and beaten repeatedly until she was finally left to die. She didn't die, and with her skills in combat she was able to rise up to command the Persian army with the goal of getting revenge against the Greeks. Knowing that back story, you are still supposed to want her to lose. I couldn't get past that, so for the entire movie I just hoped she would win, knowing full well that she wouldn't, and then I still left disappointed. Oh, and every time there was a battle, people would just take their helmets off for no reason. I understand that you need to be able to point out who your main characters are so the audience will know who to pay attention to, but it is really irritating to see someone take their helmet off during a battle. If it is that big of a deal, just don't have them wear helmets in the first place. Oh well, it was a stupid movie and one that I would recommend to avoid if possible.