448. Things (1989)

November 30, 2014

Before the closing credits start to roll, a screen comes up that says, "You have just experienced THINGS". That is absolutely the best way to describe watching 'Things'. It is an experience. It doesn't always make sense. In fact, it almost never does. A man approaches a woman wearing a devil-like mask and tells her to have his baby. She takes her clothes off and tells him she already did, then she hands him a bassinet with some kind of creature inside that scratches him. Porn star Amber Lynn does a news report in front of a department store TV display. The man gives his wife some kind of medication to ease her pain after she supposedly had some kind of experiment done to be able to have children. She has those children, but they aren't human, they are things. Hundreds of things that attack everyone inside the house. The doctor shows up to check on the woman. I'm pretty sure he was drunk. The terrible acting and weird dubbing continue. I'd love to get my hands on the soundtrack, because it was pretty great. In fact, everything about this movie was pretty great. You should see it and then you should show it to everyone you know.