Best and Worst of 2014

For those of you who enjoy year-end lists, here are some different lists of the best and worst movies I watched this year (including several runners up for each list). I watched 505 movies this year, but not all of them were new to me, and I'm only including movies that were new to me on the lists...


10 Best Movies Released In 2014:
1. Starry Eyes
2. The Guest
3. Tusk
4. Life After Beth
5. Birdman
6. The Taking of Deborah Logan
7. Guardians of the Galaxy
8. Edge of Tomorrow
9. The Babadook
10. Nightcrawler

Runners Up: The ABC's of Death 2, The Lego Movie, 20,000 Days On Earth, The Grand Budapest Hotel, Chef, Interstellar, St. Vincent, Automata, Zombeavers



10 Worst Movies Released In 2014:
1. I, Frankenstein
2. The Purge: Anarchy
3. Blood Reservoir
4. See No Evil 2
5. Sex Tape
6. Vampire Academy
7. Muppets Most Wanted
8. 300 Rise of An Empire
9. Sin City: A Dame To Kill For
10. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Runners Up: Neighbors, 3 Days To Kill, Pompeii, Stage Fright, Stretch, Gone Girl



10 Best Movies I Watched In 2014: 
1. Bad Boy Bubby
2. All The Boys Love Mandy Lane
3. Drive Angry
4. Starry Eyes
5. Brainscan
6. Guardians of the Galaxy
7. The Taking of Deborah Logan
8. Horns
9. The Guest
10. Nekromantik

Runners Up: Tusk, Birdman, Woodchipper Massacre, Life After Beth, Bad Grandpa, Here Comes the Devil, All About Evil, Jennifer's Body, Alyce Kills, The Psychopath, Lurkers, Neon Maniacs, Mary, Mary, Bloody Mary, The Carrier, They Don't Cut The Grass Anymore



10 Worst Movies I Watched In 2014: 
1. I, Frankenstein
2. Scorned
3. Klown
4. 300 Rise of an Empire
5. Contracted
6. Vampire Academy
7. Muppets Most Wanted
8. The Purge: Anarchy
9. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
10. See No Evil 2

Runners Up: The Right Kind of Wrong, Blood Creek, Mirror Mirror, The Act of Killing, Stage Fright, Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th

December 2014 Recap

Here are my top and bottom films for the month of December in no particular order:

Top 5:
1. Starry Eyes
2. Deathrow Gameshow
3. Retribution
4. Witching and Bitching
5. Weasels Rip My Flesh
Runner Up: 20,000 Days on Earth, Griff The Invisible

Bottom 5:
1. The Fantastic Four
2. A Clock Work Blue
3. The Jekyll and Hyde Portfolio
4. Sweet Kill
5. Stanley
Runner Up: The Eerie Midnight Horror Show

505. Starry Eyes (2014)

December 31, 2014

I went into this movie without the slightest idea of what it was even about. The only thing I had to go on was my friend Patrick's request to watch it (he hadn't seen it yet either). I have to say, for the last movie I watched this year, 'Starry Eyes' may be one of my favorites. It had an amazing score, some fantastic and disgusting special effects, and the lead actress was very good. It was especially disturbing and quite depressing, but all in a good way. The film was about a young girl who desperately wanted to be an actress. After several rejections, she found an ad online for the lead role in a film called 'The Silver Scream'. She tried out for the role and did OK, but the film-makers were more impressed with the fit she had after she left, and decided to give her another chance. The girl quit her job at Big Taters for the role, but when they pretty much told her she had to sleep with the producer to get the part she freaked out and went back to her job and her friends. One of her friends gave her some drugs to loosen up, which seemed to change her perception of things and she made up her mind to go back to the producer and do what she had to to get the part. The implication of rape was definite, but what they actually did to her was never shown, and afterwards she started suffering from severe delusions as well as physical changes that had her pulling out chunks of hair and spitting up worms and blood. I can't go any more into the story without spoiling things I don't want to spoil, but I definitely think people should check this one out.

504. New Year's Evil (1980)

December 31, 2014

'New Year's Evil' was the first movie I watched this year, and I couldn't think of a better movie to bookend 2014 with than that. It stars Roz Kelly as the host of a New Year's Eve rock 'n' roll countdown with some terrible music and a crowd of about 25 kids in attendance. After she gets a random phone call from a madman with a voice changer (the always fantastic Kip Niven) and he plays a recording of a murder he committed and promises more murders for every time the clock strikes midnight in each time zone, the police and her manager decide to tighten security and go on with the show. Her son tries to tell her about a surprise but she constantly ignores him as she is way too busy thinking about herself, which sends him into a bizarre sort of mental breakdown. As the killer gets closer, the cops and everyone around start to panic and try to follow procedures, but nobody seems prepared and nobody suspects who the killer really is until it is too late. I absolutely love this movie. I know it is silly and campy, but there is a reason I watch it at least once a year (other than the fact that I'm a sucker for holiday horror films and aside from 'Terror Train' this is really the only specifically New Year's themed one I can think of). Everybody should watch this movie on New Year's Eve!

503. Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland (1989)

December 30, 2014

Even campier than the second one, 'Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland' is a hilarious movie that involves the psychopathic Angela Baker (Pamela Springsteen) at camp again. She runs over a girl with a garbage truck and then assumes her identity as she heads to Camp New Horizons (the same campgrounds as Camp Rolling Hills from part two, just cleaned up after all the murders), to take part in a research study where wealthy, suburban teenagers and poor, urban teenagers get thrown into a mix and try to survive in the wilderness together. Angela goes by the name Maria Nicastro and poses as one of the underprivileged urban kids, even though nobody believes she is a teenager. Michael Pollard plays one of the camp counselors and when Maria catches him having sex with one of the girls, she goes into one of her homicidal rampages and starts killing everyone at the camp. One of the volunteer camp counselors was actually the father of Sean from the second movie, and when he found out who Maria really was he tried to get his revenge. This is a pretty funny movie with some very innovative kill scenes. I recommend you watch it after watching the first two.

502. Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988)

December 30, 2014

Even though the second and third movies in the 'Sleepaway Camp' series can't recreate the shock and suspense of the first one, they do have a distinct charm and campiness that I love. In the second one, Pamela Springsteen (Bruce Springsteen's sister) stars as Angela Baker. After years of rehabilitation in a mental facility, Angela has been released and is now working as a camp counselor at Camp Rolling Hills, using the name Angela Johnson. She quickly starts killing kids when they step outside of the rules or do anything she doesn't approve of. Most of the kids think she is weird, but one of them, Molly (Renee Estevez - Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez' sister), always sticks up for her. When Angela gets fired for 'sending a bunch of kids home,' Molly and her boyfriend Sean are the only ones who console her. But when they find out her murderous secret, Angela has to take care of them too. I highly recommend watching the entire series, but definitely watch the first movie before you watch this one.

501. The Newlydeads (1988)

December 30, 2014

Troma's 'The Newlydeads' had a pretty strong beginning but unfortunately it wasn't able to hold on to it and the movie more or less fell apart as it went on. It started with a young, blonde woman checking in to the Newlywed Hotel, where the manager decided to give her the deluxe hotel experience (if you know what I mean). She went along with it too until the manager accidentally pulled her wig off while they were kissing and found out she was a he. Then the manager got mad and stabbed him to death. Fifteen years later, several couples go to the hotel (including the manager himself on the night of his wedding). At his wedding he sees the walking corpse of the man he killed dressed in a wedding gown. Nobody else sees it except for a conveniently psychic woman and her husband when they run over the ghost in their van. Then the psychic starts trying to help the manager get rid of the ghost before people start dying (but people start dying anyway). I think this was about the point when I started losing some interest. For starters, the psychic knew that the manager was a murderer, but she still insisted on helping him. Also, she knew certain things before they happened - she knew people were going to die but she didn't know who, and she somehow knew how to get rid of the ghost. I won't give the ending away, in case you want to watch it, but I will say that two specific events made me dislike the ending of this movie. They both involved the psychic (and one involved her husband). The one thing the movie really did have going for it was some cool looking makeup and special effects. The ghost looked fantastic. You can watch the whole movie on YouTube here:

500. Gold of the Amazon Women (1979)

December 29, 2014

I have to admit I was expecting something a little bit more risque when I put this on. If I would have been paying more attention I would have realized 'Gold of the Amazon Women' was a made-for-TV movie. I actually really liked it though. Bo Svenson stars as Tom, an explorer who believes there is nothing left to explore until a strange old man gives him a treasure map with the location of the seven golden cities of El Dorado. He travels to the Amazon with the novice but eager first-time traveler, Luis, while being chased and shot at by a guy named Blasko (Donald Pleasance). They encounter native tribes and an army of Amazon women led by Queen Na-Eela (Anita Ekberg). The Amazon women use men for repopulating and the rest of the time keep them locked up in a cage until Tom and Luis show them that not all men are bad. They also find one of the lost cities and kill a bunch of people who live there and take a bunch of gold. This movie wasn't that bad, really. It had some silly moments, but overall it was worth watching.

499. Body Melt (1993)

December 28, 2014

In this crazy Australian film, a vitamin company starts distributing free trials of their new drug to an unsuspecting and quiet community in Melbourne. The drug promises to create a better life but obviously fails miserably. The first phase of the drug is hallucinogenic, the second is glandular, and the third is... The third phase is disgusting. A man's face bursts, while a pregnant woman's placenta chokes and kills her husband and her insides cave in. Another man projectile vomits green ooze all over a police station, while a family who visits the company's health spa all meet their sticky ends as melted body parts. A body-builder on a ridiculous steroid regimen pops during sex and another woman's face simply melts. Mostly, 'Body Melt' was an amazing showcase for as much over the top blood and guts (emphasis on the guts) as they could get away with, and it was wonderful. There was also a family of back-woods psychopaths who found pleasure in killing. The leader of the psychopaths was the former partner of the doctor who invented the vitamins that were killing people and it turned out he had stolen the key ingredient that would stabilize the formula. That didn't matter though. All that matters is we got to see a lot of gooey, gushing guts and puke in some of the most revolting displays possible. 'Body Melt' is a classic, non-stop, gross-out film that deserves a wider audience. It isn't gory, but it is very much gross, and I love it.

498. The Fantastic Four (1994)

December 28, 2014

My brother-in-law, Benjamin, gave me a stack of Japanese bootleg DVDs for Christmas that a friend of his had given him years ago. One of those was the 2005 'Fantastic Four' movie, but when we put in the disc it was actually the 1994 version produced by Roger Corman. It was gloriously incompetent, and felt like it was made ten to twenty years earlier than it actually was. Two physics students worked on some kind of laser that ended up backfiring during a storm and seemingly killed one of them. A couple doctors hid the fact that he was still alive and decided to worship him as some kind of god. He became Dr. Doom, and had a personal vendetta against his former friend who left him for dead. Ten years later the future was in full force with blinking lights and odd-shaped chairs. The surviving scientist and one of his friends, as well as two much younger friends planned a mission to space using a large diamond that would give them some kind of power in space. Unfortunately for them, a leprechaun stole their diamond and replaced it with a replica that caused their ship to crash. Fortunately for them, they were not harmed in the crash, and instead they each gained powers that accentuated their personalities. One guy could stretch and contort his body at will, one could create fire, the girl could turn invisible and create force fields, and the other guy turned into a rock. For the rest of the movie, the newly empowered heroes fought Dr. Doom and the leprechaun for pretty much no reason and eventually came out on top. It was awful though, and I'd really only recommend it as a joke.

497. The Interview (2014)

December 27, 2014

With all the commotion over the Sony hacking scandal, and people thinking North Korea was somehow behind it and they were going to blow us up because of one stupid movie, I (and pretty much everyone else I know) decided I had to see 'The Interview'. I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I do have to say if it was all a ruse by Sony to get people to watch a movie that they otherwise wouldn't have paid any attention to, it was brilliant and it worked. That said, 'The Interview' was actually funnier than I anticipated. It was crude, racially insensitive, extremely politically incorrect, and occasionally gross, but it still made me laugh quite a bit. I can see why North Korea would be pretty mad about it too... Anyway, James Franco plays the host of an entertainment news show and Seth Rogen plays his best friend and producer of the show. They find out Kim Jong-un is a fan and decide they want to interview him. Then the CIA tells them they want Franco and Rogen to poison and kill Kim Jong-un. They set up the interview and actually start to become friends with the dictator until they see that he really is crazy and they really will need to kill him. It doesn't seem necessary to me that they used a real person as the target of their assassination plot, as it would have been just as effective to use a fictional character, but I guess the controversy of it all was probably all they really cared about to begin with. It was funny, but don't watch it if you're easily offended.

496. 20,000 Days On Earth (2014)

December 27, 2014

Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds was quite possibly the best concert I've ever been to, and I would absolutely love to see them again. Nick Cave's new film, a semi-documentary about his 20,000th day on Earth, appropriately titled '20,000 Days on Earth' was an interesting look into a day in the life of one of the most original and amazing entertainers of all time. It can't actually be considered a documentary since some of the interviews were intended to be in his own mind as he was driving by himself and talking to passengers (Ray Winstone, Blixa Bargeld, and Kylie Minogue) who weren't really there. The film also consisted of a visit to a psychiatrist who helped him deal with parts of his past (but was more or less interviewing him for the film), as well as a trip to some kind of archives which held all sorts of old pictures and memorabilia from his earlier days. It wasn't always cohesive, but it did at least give us a glimpse into the mind of Nick Cave. It also featured some behind the scenes stuff, with studio recordings and live shows. I'd recommend it for anyone who is a fan and I recommend everyone should be a fan.

495. I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle (1990)

December 27, 2014

I stumbled on the trailer for 'I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle' a year or two ago and have been wanting to see it since. I'll admit the trailer was better than the movie, but it was a pretty fun movie anyway. It started with a motorcycle gang in the middle of some kind of satanic ritual when a rival motorcycle gang showed up and started killing everyone. The leader of the first gang managed to complete his ritual, and a demon possessed his body for a short period of time before he was shot with an arrow. The possessed man's blood then dripped into the tank of his motorcycle, effectively possessing the bike. The bike then took on a vampiric persona complete with a hatred of garlic, holy water, and sunlight, as well as a vendetta against the other biker gang. Another guy named Noddy bought the bike from a shop a while later and him and his girlfriend found out the hard way that their new bike was actually a vampire. I think the idea was brilliant, and the execution was decent, but I think it could have been better.

494. The Face With 2 Left Feet (aka Travolto) (1979)

December 27, 2014

In this spoof on 'Saturday Night Fever', a hotel chef named Gianni (pronounced Johnny) who bears an uncanny resemblance to John Travolta enlists the help of his dance-crazy friends in winning the heart of the girl of his dreams, Ilona. Ilona is a disc jockey in one of the local disco clubs, and even though Gianni doesn't dance, he still goes to the club every night just to see her. After one of Gianni's friends draws a mustache and glasses on a poster of John Travolta, they realize Gianni is a dead ringer for him and decide to do a full makeover to get Ilona interested. They do the makeover, and everything seems great, until they realize Gianni can't dance. They try to teach him but he just can't get it right, so they pretend he is contractually not allowed to dance. That doesn't work though, and he ends up dancing really well with Ilona. Ilona's boyfriend, the club's owner, sees through the disguise but isn't concerned since it is good for business. The owner is a real jerk though, and they end up exposing him for who he really is. This movie was probably pretty funny when it came out and 'Saturday Night Fever' was still a big deal, but it seems quite dated now. I still enjoyed it, and I'm glad I watched it.

493. Deathrow Gameshow (1987)

December 27, 2014

Code Red recently unearthed this hilarious film about host Chuck Toedan of a TV game show called Live or Die that features contestants who are on death row trying to answer questions that will either cause them to be killed on the show or possibly win a stay of execution from the governor. The show naturally causes a lot of controversy, and one of the show's more vocal protesters tries to make her opinion heard on another show during an interview. That woman unintentionally becomes involved with Toedan when two gunmen attack him and she is in the crossfire. Toedan pulls her into his car and drives off, which leads to her getting a price on her head when the thugs trying to kill him think they are a couple. Turns out the thugs were hired by the mob after one of Live or Die's contestants, a seasoned mob boss, was electrocuted in a very unflattering way. After Toedan averts the assassination attempts of several hired guns, the mob sends their best man to do the job, Luigi. Luigi brings his mom to the set so she can be on another show next door and she accidentally gets put on the Live or Die show as a contestant. I won't spoil it any more, but I will suggest you head over to Code Red's site and pick up a copy, as this was one of the more entertaining movies I've watched in a while.

492. Explorers (1985)

December 26, 2014

One of the greatest directors of all time, Joe Dante, made this highly entertaining space exploration movie that inadvertently devolved into something really annoying as soon as extraterrestrials were involved. For the most part though, 'Explorers' is a really good movie. Ethan Hawke and River Phoenix star as best friends who use the best in home technology from the early 80's (as well as blueprints to a futuristic circuit board from Hawke's recurring dream) to create a spacecraft that allows for interplanetary travel. After leaving our planet's atmosphere, they find themselves compelled towards another spaceship where they meet and become friends with two highly obnoxious aliens. I do recommend this movie (as well as every other Dante film), but don't be surprised if you find yourself reaching for the remote after just a few minutes with the aliens.

491. The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

December 25, 2014

'The Muppet Christmas Carol' is a classic. It is easily my favorite Muppet movie and it is actually probably my favorite Michael Caine movie. It is the classic Charles Dickens story of A Christmas Carol only with muppets. Caine plays Scrooge, and he is visited by three ghosts (Christmas past, present, and future) and he learns the error of his ways. I could probably watch this movie any day of the year. A few posts ago ('Scrooged'), I mentioned how Scrooge only seems to change after seeing himself dead, but that isn't the case in this movie. I felt like Caine's Scrooge was a considerably nasty individual who honestly did start to change when he was shown how nasty and cold he really was. He also had a soft spot for Tiny Tim (Kermit & Miss Piggy's son) who had a bad leg and some debilitating sickness that, if left unchecked, would be the death of him. Anyway, I highly recommend 'The Muppet Christmas Carol'.

490. The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

December 25, 2014

This was the second time I've watched Wes Anderson's 'The Grand Budapest Hotel' and I have to admit I was much less interested in it this time around. The first time I found it very entertaining, but this time it just seemed kind of boring. It tells the story of a hotel concierge named Gustave H (Ralph Fiennes) and his lobby boy as they attempt to retrieve a painting that was left to Gustave H after the passing of an old woman. The woman's son (Adrien Brody) is an awful person who, along with his evil henchman (Willem Dafoe), would stop at nothing to get that painting back. I think I might not have been in the right mood to watch this movie and anytime you watch a Wes Anderson movie, it is pretty imperative that you be in the right mood for it. I'll probably watch it again sometime and hopefully enjoy it more then.

489. Paul (2011)

December 25, 2014

I'm a huge fan of Edgar Wright's Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy (or whatever they call it), and I've enjoyed several other movies starring Simon Pegg and/or Nick Frost, but I've always been reluctant to see 'Paul'. I didn't think it looked particularly bad, I've just never been that interested in seeing it. My dad got it for Christmas this year and, since none of us had seen it, we decided to give it a shot. It wasn't great, but it was pretty good. Pegg and Frost play best friends who go on a road trip to see famous UFO landmarks and destinations and pick up a real alien named Paul (Seth Rogen) along the way. Paul is on the run from some dangerous government agents, and it is up to Pegg and Frost to save him and get him to his rescue ship so he can go back home. I think I'd recommend watching it once, but that's about it.

488. Elf (2003)

December 24, 2014

For the second Christmas Eve movie at my parents' house, we chose 'Elf'. Jon Favreau directed this funny holiday movie about an orphaned, human child who sneaks into Santa Claus' bag and gets brought back to the North Pole and raised as Buddy the elf. After 30 years of being twice as big as everyone else and not nearly as skilled at making toys, Buddy (Will Ferrell) learns about his real origins as a human and travels to New York City to find his dad (James Caan). His dad initially wants nothing to do with him, but he eventually warms up to Buddy's eccentric and always cheerful nature. Buddy also meets and falls in love with one of the workers in a department store Christmas scene (Zooey Deschanel) and together with his new family and new girlfriend, Buddy helps raise the collective Christmas spirit which enables Santa's sleigh to fly. I like this movie. It is a fun one to watch around the holidays, and if you haven't seen it you probably should.

487. Jingle All The Way (1996)

December 24, 2014

On Christmas Eve at my parents' house we traditionally watch 'It's A Wonderful Life' or 'Muppets Christmas Carol', but this year my dad pulled out a DVD with four movies on it - 'Miracle on 34th Street', 'Home Alone', 'Home Alone 2', and 'Jingle All The Way'. Since none of us had seen 'Jingle All The Way' since the 90's, we decided to watch that one. It's an entertaining (but pretty stupid) movie about a toy and the lengths some dads will go to to secure the last minute gift their kid wants. A successful businessman (Arnold Schwarzenegger) who calls everyone his number one customer isn't as successful at being a dad or a husband, and his family tends to feel left out most of the time. He decides to make up for it to his son by getting him the Turbo Man doll he really wants for Christmas, but when he gets to the stores he finds they're all sold out. He even attempts to steal his creepy neighbor's (Phil Hartman) doll from under their Christmas tree and ends up almost burning down their house. He meets a mailman (Sinbad) who wants the same toy for his kid outside one of the stores and the two form a rivalry that culminates in the two of them dressing up as Turbo Man and his arch-nemesis in a Christmas Day parade. It isn't necessarily a bad movie, but it isn't that good either.

486. Night of Vampyrmania (1993)

December 23, 2014

My friend Tony and I went to the Alamo and watched this hilariously bad French vampire anthology movie that looked like it was made by ambitious high school kids. It featured an old man who talked to the camera about how bad vampires were before he introduced the first story - Red Christmas - a vampire dressed as Santa Claus kills some thugs in an alley and then randomly crashes a party and kills a bunch of people. The second story - Son of Dracula - was just a continuation of the first part with the old man, and it wasn't really much of a story. He just went to the tomb where Dracula's son was buried and found a guy in a bad bald cap and spiked him. Then he introduced the third story - Hell Taxi - about a vampire who drove a taxi cab and killed all of his passengers. A guy named Jacques who loved to talk to himself and wore a hat that said SUPER MACHO started semi-stalking his new neighbor who he thought was pretty and when she was picked up by the Hell Taxi he desperately tried to save her. Or at least he talked about it. Then the vampire taxi driver's brother (who used to be a vampire) gave Super Macho the help he needed to save his cute neighbor-friend from the vampire. By help, I mean he magically made Super Macho appear in the back seat of the cab where he could choke the vampire until he carefully parked the car and disappeared. It was another one of the Alamo Drafthouse's Video Vortex series, and as far as I'm aware it is not available on DVD or blu-ray, but if you get a chance to see it, you should. I guess.

485. Scrooged (1988)

December 23, 2014

Yes, I watched 'Scrooged' again, and yes, it was just as good as the last five hundred times I've seen it. I watched it with some friends and one of them pointed out a few things that I guess I've always known but never really thought about. The first was that the whole Christmas Carol story about Scrooge meeting the ghosts and becoming a better person has a better reputation than it actually deserves. What I mean is, Scrooge sees his past and his present and doesn't really change his personality, but when he sees his future and realizes he dies, he changes his ways because, presumably, he just doesn't want to die. Doesn't matter that much, it is still a good story, just an interesting observation. The second thing was that after the last ghost in 'Scrooged', the rest of the movie is kind of lame. It feels rushed and too cheesy. Oh well. That is just two minor issues with an otherwise perfect holiday movie.

484. Stay Tuned (1992)

December 22, 2014

Movies like this make me really wish John Ritter was still alive. He was so great and 'Stay Tuned' is a classic. Jeffrey Jones plays Spike, a demon who runs a television network for Satan's entertainment and tries to collect souls by bringing humans in and forcing them to try to survive for 24 hours before letting them go home. Ritter plays a career loser in a dead end job who just watches hour after hour of TV and can quote along with any old movie. He is married to Pam Dawber, a successful businesswoman who hates that her husband spends all his time watching TV and none of his time with her. After Spike convinces Ritter to take his satellite and new TV for a test drive, Ritter and Dawber get sucked in to their weird network called Hellvision and are forced to survive twisted versions of TV shows. They had several hilarious spoofs, like Three Men and Rosemary's Baby, and Duane's Underworld, among others. I highly recommend this movie to everybody.

483. Evils of the Night (1985)

December 21, 2014

'Evils of the Night' was fun. It had lots of nudity and a decent story. Aliens that required teenage blood landed near a college campus and recruited two mechanics to collect young bodies for them to drain. Problem was, they landed there during summer vacation, and pickings were slim. A handful of kids were still around though, and they all seemed to having awkward sex with their pants on. A few of them got abducted and drained, with the survivors clueless as to their whereabouts. Then they got abducted as well and ended up tied to posts in the garage where the mechanics worked. They tried (mostly unsuccessfully) to get away before they became alien food. Actually, I don't think they even knew about the aliens. I think they were only afraid of the mechanics, and the aliens never interacted with the rest of the cast. I don't know, this was my fifth movie of the day and they all started to run together towards the end. It was entertaining though, and I would recommend giving it a chance. You can pick it up on DVD from Gorgon Video, so grab yourself a copy and enjoy this awesomely campy 80's film today! While you're there you should also pick up Death Spa on blu-ray!

482. Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (aka Night Warning) (1982)

December 21, 2014

'Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker' was an extremely effective and very dark thriller about a young boy who was sent to live with his aunt (the amazing Susan Tyrrell) after his parents died in a car wreck. Tyrrell was very loving, but also very controlling and seemed jealous of the boy's girlfriend. After she accidentally killed a repairman who refused to make love to her and then claimed he tried to rape her, a homophobic police officer (Bo Svenson) tried to pin the murder on the boy, who he believed was gay (because the handyman was gay and he found the boy with the knife in his hand when he arrived). Tyrrell quickly unraveled and became a twisted, emotional, and murderous wreck, and the boy tried to clear his name with a sadistic and unreasonably bigoted officer looking for any excuse to throw him behind bars. It is currently available from Code Red, so pick up a copy and check it out.

481. Can I Do It... Till I Need Glasses? (1977)

December 21, 2014

This was one of the weirdest movies ever. Advertised as Robin Williams' first movie, 'Can I Do It... Til I Need Glasses?' was basically just a sketch comedy show strung together to make an 80 minute movie. It's also the sequel to 'If You Don't Stop It... You'll Go Blind', which I've never seen. It featured a bunch of stupid, adult-themed jokes that weren't very funny, but somehow I still found myself laughing. It was definitely the kind of movie that couldn't be made today, with all of its innuendos and politically incorrect sentiments. It also didn't really have much Robin Williams, which was a shame. Apparently they released this movie with his scenes cut and then a few years later when he became famous they re-released it with those scenes added and threw his name all over it. Typical, but still annoying. Anyway, similar to 'Movie 43', I don't really think I could recommend this movie to anybody and not feel awkward about it. It'll make you laugh and it'll make you groan, but it is so stupid it's funny, and sometimes that is OK.

480. The People Who Own the Dark (1976)

December 21, 2014

For the most part, I have no idea what was going on in 'The People Who Own the Dark'. I do know that some rich people at a party were playing some kind of game that involved the men sitting at a table and wearing masks (very similar to the ones used in 'Cards of Death') while attractive women did their best to arouse the men. An explosion shook the house and when they went upstairs they found that everyone above ground had gone blind and they were slowly going mad. After being exposed to whatever was in the air, the people from downstairs also seemed to go mad too. It became a kind of survival movie, even though it seems like running and hiding from blind people should have been pretty easy. This movie didn't make a whole lot of sense, and I think there may be some scenes that have been lost over time, so I don't really recommend it.

479. Retribution (1987)

December 21, 2014

'Retribution' was awesome. On the night when a lonely artist tried to kill himself by jumping off of his apartment building, another man with the same date of birth was killed in a violent gun fight. As the medics resuscitated the jumper their souls combined and by day he was his usual self and by night he was the other man seeking revenge. Every time he went to sleep he would dream of another life where he found and killed the people responsible for the other man's death, and when he awoke he realized it may not have been a dream. I don't really know why this movie isn't more well known, since it is a very competent and intriguing thriller, but I do know that you should find it and check it out.

478. Invaders From Mars (1986)

December 20, 2014

I remember when 'Mortuary' came out in 2005 and I became so disappointed in Tobe Hooper that I almost stopped watching any of his movies. I'm so glad I didn't stop though, because he has directed some of the greatest movies of all time. 'Invaders From Mars' may not be one of the best movies ever, but it is a really fun sci-fi film with some cool special effects and creature designs by Stan Winston. It is a remake of the 1953 film of the same name. After a UFO lands near the house of a young boy and his dad goes to investigate, strange things start happening. The parents, some police, a teacher, and several other people start acting very peculiar, and it is up to the boy and the school nurse (Karen Black) to find a way to stop the aliens from taking over the whole town. I definitely recommend this movie.

477. Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

December 20, 2014

'Silent Night, Deadly Night' is one of the greatest Christmas-themed horror films of all time. A young boy named Billy gets a terrible warning from his normally mute grandfather about Santa punishing naughty children. Then he watches as a psycho dressed in a Santa suit kills his parents in cold blood. Years later, Billy is in an orphanage and gets in all kinds of trouble with the ultra-strict Mother Superior. When Billy turns 18, one of the nuns from the orphanage helps him get a job at a toy store and everything goes fine until the guy who was supposed to be the store Santa Claus for Christmas doesn't show up and they make Billy do it. He puts on the suit and immediately goes nuts. He starts to punish everyone around by cutting them up into pieces with an axe. This really is one of the greatest horror movies ever made. I went to the theater to see it with some friends a few years ago and the theater caught on fire so we only made it about 10 minutes in. One of these days I hope to finish it on the big screen.

476. Hauntedween (1991)

December 19, 2014

Unfortunately, I missed the screening of 'Hauntedween' at the Alamo Drafthouse a couple months ago. Fortunately, the makers of 'Hauntedween' are now selling DVD's of it on their website and I was able to pick one up and watch it. 'Hauntedween' is awesome. A young boy kills a little girl in a haunted house. Several years later a fraternity needs cash to pay their dues, so they hatch a plan to use the old, abandoned house as a haunted house again and charge admission. A mysterious stranger gives them permission and the keys. They do a pretty good job decorating the house, but the real attraction ends up being the last room. A masked killer tortures and kills the fraternity guys and their girlfriends in various ways while crowds of people enjoy the show. At the end of the movie, an announcement came up indicating there would be a 'Hauntedween 2'... I really hope that happens someday, because that would be amazing. Head over to hauntedween.com and pick up a copy now!

475. A Clock Work Blue (1972)

December 18, 2014

The second film in my Eric Jeffrey Haims double feature was 'A Clock Work Blue', and I still haven't made my mind up about it yet. It began with a racist scene about a black man and a Jewish man who go to heaven and exhibit all the racist stereotypes they possibly can. A voice (god, maybe?) grants one wish to each man. The black man wishes for a million dollars and the Jewish man wishes for a nice timepiece that allows him to travel through time. As he goes through time, the black man watches his journey on a television made out of a watermelon. The Jewish guy visits several historical moments in time (including George Washington, Helen of Troy, Julius Caesar, Marie Antoinette, Attila the Hun, and the pilgrims and Native Americans) all of which involved potential sexual encounters that the Jewish guy shied away from. It was supposed to be a comedy, but it wasn't very funny. Occasionally I thought it was OK, but as was the case with 'The Jekyll & Hyde Portfolio', I don't really recommend it.

474. The Jekyll and Hyde Portfolio (1971)

December 18, 2014

Vinegar Syndrome recently re-released a double feature of two films directed by Eric Jeffrey Haims, 'A Clock Work Blue', and 'The Jekyll & Hyde Portfolio'. I decided to watch both of them as a double header, starting with 'The Jekyll & Hyde Portfolio'. It was a very strange film that didn't have much of a coherent plot. A woman swinging under a tree meets her death by way of a pitchfork wielding lunatic. The police investigate. It all happens at a school for nurses where the doctors are very strict about the nurses' wardrobes. The head nurse is a lesbian who likes to give her 'famous massages' to all the new girls. One of the doctors likes to dissect frogs and play with their still-beating hearts even after the heart is separated from the body. The police continue to investigate. Some of the girls are staging a play of Jekyll and Hyde and they practice on the stairs. More deaths occur and the police are clueless. Suddenly, the police figure it out and they chase the killer outside, only they got the wrong guy! The real killer shows up and the cops take them out. This wasn't a great movie. It was weird, and it seemed like they were trying, but the story was so muddled that I don't really recommend it.

473. Sweet Kill (aka The Arousers) (1972)

December 18, 2014

In the first ten minutes of 'Sweet Kill', you see three naked women and one murder. You might be thinking, since this is an 85 minute movie, they just set a precedent and now we should get to see at least 24 naked women and 8 murders. Unfortunately, this movie runs out of steam pretty quickly. There are a few more murders and a few more nude scenes, but even they can't stop this from being a boring movie. Tab Hunter stars as Eddie, a man who saw his mom naked as a child and now deals with insufferable mommy issues that cause him to kill any woman he gets hot and heavy with - and somehow there are several. He continues to get away with murder, despite the pothead roommate of one of the girls he killed calling the cops and constantly pointing a finger at him. Eddie finally meets a girl he can be with and not feel so uncomfortable that he has to kill her, but that feeling doesn't last long before he can't help himself again. Eddie's back story is flimsy and never fully explained. Did he just see his mom naked? Did they partake in incestuous relations? We only know that he saw her and she knew he saw her, and from then on he was a cold-blooded killer of women. I don't really recommend this movie because it was pretty boring. It was released on DVD by Shout! Factory as part of their Roger Corman's Cult Classics line. Here's the full movie on YouTube:

472. Sleepaway Camp (1983)

December 16, 2014

I love the 'Sleepaway Camp' series. After a boating incident leaves her father and brother dead, Angela gets sent to live with her crazy aunt and her cousin, Ricky. Several years later, Angela and Ricky go to a camp where, relatively quickly, people start dying or getting seriously injured. Fingers get pointed in a few different directions, but there is ultimately something not right with Angela. I won't bother saying anything else. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and check it out. The ending is still one of the most shocking in horror movie history. The sequels are pretty fun too, but the first one is the best. Unfortunately it seems like the cast of the original 'Sleepaway Camp' never moved on and now they're making garbage like 'Blood Reservoir'. Skip that movie and just watch 'Sleepaway Camp'.

471. The Eerie Midnight Horror Show (1974)

December 15, 2014

A young and talented artist with a knack for art restoration helps a collector purchase a statue of a man on a cross. Then she goes to a party and happens to see her mother cheating on her father with a man who likes to whip her with rose stems. Afterwards, she goes to her studio to work on some art and dreams about the statue coming to life and raping her. It seems like a dream, at least, but then she starts showing symptoms of being possessed. Her parents try to get her help and eventually send her to a church for the priests to take care of her. The demon from the statue tries to get her to seduce a priest to take his soul but the priest's will is strong and he is able to exorcise the demon before things get too out of hand. The first third of this movie was well worth watching, mostly for the bizarre, shock-value factor. The last two-thirds seemed like an excruciatingly boring rip-off of 'The Exorcist', which was too bad. If you track down a copy and decide to watch it, you might be better off stopping it around half an hour in.

470. The Golden Child (1986)

December 14, 2014

Back when Eddie Murphy still made good movies, he made this fun movie about a private detective who specializes in recovering children who have been abducted. After a Tibetan child (the titular "Golden Child") gets kidnapped by a warlock (Charles Dance), Murphy is selected as "the chosen one" from an ancient prophecy that claims someone with a pure heart will save the golden child from dark forces. Murphy doesn't believe it at first, but as time goes by he starts to realize he is dealing with real magical powers and true good versus evil. He travels to Tibet to find a special dagger that is the only thing powerful enough to stop the demons who are holding the child. I thought it was a lot of fun, and I would definitely recommend it.

469. The Dentist (1996)

December 14, 2014

While Brian Yuzna will never be able to match his impressive directorial debut 'Society', his 'Re-Animator' sequels (Bride Of and Beyond) as well as 'The Dentist' and its sequel are still entertaining movies. Corbin Bernsen plays a dentist on the brink of insanity after he catches his wife cheating on him with the pool cleaner. Over the course of a couple days, he ends up killing and maiming several of his patients while a cop with a toothache (Ken Foree) tries to track him down. 'The Dentist' takes a good look at rapidly deteriorating sanity and puts it in a creepy and occasionally funny light that will make a lot of people not want to go to the dentist anymore. I recommend it.

468. Tommy Boy (1995)

December 13, 2014

For some reason I had always thought that I'd already seen 'Tommy Boy'. Turns out I was wrong, because this movie was definitely new to me. It was funny, in the way that all Chris Farley/David Spade movies are. Farley played the son of a wealthy businessman (Brian Dennehy) who specialized in making break pads. After his dad died at his own wedding, it was up to Farley and his new business partner, Spade, to sell half a million break pads to keep the company alive. The two took to the road and lost a lot of sales because of Farley's weird behavior. Meanwhile, Farley's new step-mom (Bo Derek) and her "son" (Rob Lowe) were busy trying to sell the company. With the help of Farley's girlfriend (Julie Warner), they were able to expose Derek and Lowe for the frauds they were and save the company and sell all their break pads. It was a fun movie, and I'd recommend it for a good comedy.

467. Scrooged (1988)

December 13, 2014

'Scrooged' is another holiday classic that we have to watch every year. Bill Murray plays an executive at a TV studio who only cares about himself and his ratings. Just like in the traditional Charles Dickens story, he is visited by three ghosts - Christmas past, present, and future - and they show him the errors of his ways. This version has a decidedly darker perspective, however, and tackles a few things that the original didn't. David Johansen plays the taxi-driving ghost of Christmas past, Carol Kane plays the spiteful fairy ghost of Christmas present, and the ghost of Christmas future scared me to death as a kid. This movie is fantastic, and I highly recommend it if you haven't already seen it. Especially for the fake trailers at the beginning. I really wish they would have made a real movie of 'The Night the Reindeer Died'.

The Night The Reindeer Died:

466. Home Alone (1990)

December 12, 2014

Who doesn't like 'Home Alone'? I've probably watched this movie every year since it came out, and it never disappoints. Macaulay Culkin stars as Kevin, a little kid who accidentally gets left behind when his family goes to Paris for Christmas vacation. Two burglars, Harry (Joe Pesci) and Marv (Daniel Stern), plan on breaking in to Kevin's house while the family is away, but they don't count on a kid being there. Kevin does his best to burglar-proof the house and sets up a bunch of traps and diversions that would probably kill a normal person. The burglars persevere though and eventually a neighbor steps in to save the day and gets the cops involved just before Kevin's parents get home. This is a great movie to watch over the holidays, or any time for that matter. The second one was great too, but don't waste your time with any of the other sequels.