July 9, 2014Another of the Alamo Drafthouse's Video Vortex series, 'Time of the Apes' was a weirdly cut together and horribly dubbed film version of what was supposedly a really good Japanese TV show that ripped off the 'Planet of the Apes' franchise, and I got to enjoy it on VHS on the big screen with my buddy Rob. Feeling like at least a five hour movie, this 97 minute monstrosity was truly a test of patience, but more than that it was a really easy way to kill brain cells. Some kids and a lady accidentally ended up in cryogenic freezers and woke up in the future in a land inhabited by talking apes with a serious hatred of all hairless creatures. They stumble around, aided by a nice little androgynous ape, looking for other humans until they are able to be transported back in time. Or maybe they dreamed it all? Or maybe they didn't transport in time? Or maybe they are all crazy? It kept going, bringing up all these questions when the only question I had was when would it be over? It was fun for a few laughs, but not worth watching all the way through. Just stick to the MST3K version and you'll have everything you need.
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