August 2014 Recap

I watched far too few movies this month, and while one of the top 5 may be the best movie of the year, it was hard to find 5 movies that were the best and 5 that were the worst.
Without further ado, here are my top 5 and bottom 5 for August, 2014:

My top 5 (in no particular order - aside from Guardians of the Galaxy which is easily the best):
1. Guardians of the Galaxy
2. Jodorowsky's Dune
3. Brainscan
4. Curdled
5. The Past is a Grotesque Animal - A Film About of Montreal
Runner Up: none

The bottom 5 (in no particular order) *
1. Johnny Mnemonic
2. Undefeatable
3. Sharknado 2 - The Second One
4. Lust for Freedom
5. Begin Again
Runner Up: none

*I feel bad picking any of these movies to be in my bottom five because they're all basically so bad they're good. Then there is Sharknado 2, whose sole purpose is to be a bad movie. I don't know, August just wasn't the best movie watching month for me.

339. Begin Again (2014)

August 29, 2014

It was date night and we had a free pass to see 'Begin Again', so my wife and I went to see it. It wasn't terrible. I'll admit, I'm not a big fan of Kiera Knightley. She has been in a couple movies that I thought were OK (like this one), but I just don't think she is very good. I do love Mark Ruffalo, though, and he is definitely what saved this movie. Ruffalo plays a record label executive who gets fired by his partner (Mos Def) and goes on to work on his own projects. He finds an aspiring artist in Knightley who, after a bad breakup with a pretentious pop singer, joins up with Ruffalo and creates an album based on the sounds of the city (meaning they recorded their songs outside in different places of the city with all the cars and people and other noises that accompany those places becoming part of the tracks). Much to the chagrin of Mos Def who found it in himself to hire Ruffalo back, the album was a huge success, but Knightley didn't want to be so pretentious, so she released her album free of charge online. It was an alright movie, but I doubt that I would ever watch it again.

338. The Abomination (1986)

August 26, 2014

Another one of the Alamo Drafthouse's Video Vortex series, 'The Abomination' was worth every penny of the $1 price of admission. With my friends Joe, Jennifer, and Davis, we set out together to watch this long lost obscurity. I have to admit the main reason I wanted to see it was after reading Joseph Ziemba's hunt to find The Abomination on Bleeding Skull, and finding out that my life actually depended on seeing this film. The beginning of the movie shows all of the money shots from the rest of the movie as part of the main character's nightmare. Then the rest of the movie slowly explains the things you've already seen in agonizingly drawn-out scenes. After hanging on every word of a televangelist, a young man's mother spits up a tumor that grows and splits into more tumors that eventually take over the kitchen. The man gets infected and starts killing people to feed the tumor's need to devour flesh. That is basically the entire plot. It could have been a fun short film but they had to drag it out and show the same scenes over and over to make it a feature length film. There were several long scenes of cars driving and people running. I'm glad I got a chance to see it, but I don't think it would be worth recommending to anyone I know. In order to make this review longer, I'm going to employ some of the techniques I learned from watching 'The Abomination'. The beginning of the movie shows all of the money shots from the rest of the movie as part of the main character's nightmare. Then the rest of the movie slowly explains the things you've already seen in agonizingly drawn-out scenes. Is the movie over yet? NO! The beginning of the movie shows all of the money shots from the rest of the movie as part of the main character's nightmare. OK, for your sake I'll end it here. Nope, still going. After hanging on every word of a televangelist, a young man's mother spits up a tumor that grows and splits into more tumors that eventually take over the kitchen. End.

337. Lust For Freedom (1987)

August 24, 2014

Somehow I missed the Troma release of 'Lust for Freedom', and hadn't heard of this movie until I saw the Vinegar Syndrome trailer and knew that I had to see it. I think it was Grim Reaper's theme song that sold me. No, I know it was. So, in the movie, a girl gets thrown in jail for no reason by some crooked cops and once inside she meets a bunch of other innocent girls. They concoct a plan to bust out, and spend most of their time organizing and getting things just right for their big break. This movie would have probably been really good, had it not been for the abysmal voice over that took place throughout the entire movie. Oh well, it still had some enjoyable moments. I don't really recommend it though.

336. Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014)

August 24, 2014

Not part of a 'bad movie night', but a terrible movie nonetheless, 'Sharknado 2 The Second One' was destined to be trash long before it was even an idea. After the success of 'Sharknado', SyFy decided to cash in on the franchise in a big way. Enlisting the help of far too many Hollywood b and c-list celebrities and talk show hosts, and utilizing the worst in what CGI has to offer, 'Sharknado 2 The Second One' did exactly what it set out to do: Capitalize on a dumb idea that people like me are dumb enough to pay to see. It had some funny moments, but it didn't have the heart of the first one, and it was way too self-aware for my tastes. What it did have, however, was a plethora of sharks flying around in tornadoes, wreaking havoc on everything in sight. If that doesn't get you excited, you're probably dead. If you've managed to avoid the first one, steer clear of this one and you'll be OK. Otherwise, if you're like me and you've seen both of them so far, you'll be watching every stupid second of Sharknado 3 when it rolls in.

335. Undefeatable (1993)

August 23, 2014

The final film of the night was Godfrey Ho's 'Undefeatable'. As was to be expected, it was terrible, but delightful. After Stingray, a lunatic with mommy issues, rapes his wife and she leaves him, he goes on a rampage, kidnapping and killing all women who look like his wife (turns out there were quite a few women in town who fit that bill). When a talented street fighter (Cynthia Rothrock) loses her sister to the deranged maniac, she makes it her mission to find him and bring him down. A cop who keeps bringing Rothrock in for fighting and disturbing the peace enlists her to fight her way to Stingray. That cop also knows martial arts. In fact, I'm reasonably sure everyone in this film except for the women who looked like Stingray's wife (wait, even one of them had some moves) and some high school jocks were martial arts experts. That is a surprising amount of people in such a condensed area when you consider how many people you actually know who have mastered any martial arts (aside from getting a black belt in Karate in middle school). Doesn't matter. The script called for a town full of kung fu fighters, and that is what they got. It was the apposite ending to another fabulous bad movie night!

334. Samurai Cop (1991)

August 23, 2014

If you're a fan of bad movies, 'Samurai Cop' is the quintessential film you absolutely need to see, and it served as the second film of our second bad movie night. One of the finest examples of inept film-making, 'Samurai Cop' is so bad in almost every way, from the awful script to the silly soundtrack to the horrendous acting. Matt Hannon stars as Joe Marshall, and despite the fact that several people refer to him as the person who is called Samurai Cop, nobody actually ever calls him Samurai Cop and he is definitely not a samurai (although they did get the cop part right). The movie begins with a car chase, involving a helicopter that is clearly nowhere near any action and doesn't seem like it is even moving, yet the pilot can see all the action, and she is able to communicate all the details to Marshall without a radio. Once the chase is finished, Marshall and the helicopter pilot make love with their panties on. Robert Z'Dar and some other bad guys show up and ... Jesus, I've seen this movie three times now and I can't honestly tell you what happens. What I do know is this - Z'Dar and Hannon have one major fight in several locations, with Hannon's long, flowing wig occasionally coming detached, and there are a few more scenes of passionate romance including one where Z'Dar looks like he is trying to eat a girl's face. Almost everybody dies, but Hannon and his partner will be back for the long-awaited (24 years) sequel, 'Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance'. You can even be a part of the magic, if you want! Just head over to their Kickstarter page and donate all of your hard-earned cash!

333. Enter the Ninja (1981)

August 23, 2014

The Bad Movie Club's second bad movie night triple feature was another unmitigated success. It was a ninja-themed night, complete with samurai swords, good friends, good food, and bad movies. We kicked off the evening with Menahem Golan's campy cult classic, 'Enter the Ninja', an epic tale of a war veteran (Franco Nero) trained in the art of ninjutsu who goes to live with his friends in the Philippines only to find them and their village threatened by an evil businessman (Christopher George) who will stop at nothing to buy their land. Nero sleeps with his friend's wife (Susan George) to no ill consequences, and George eventually gets himself a ninja (Sho Kosugi), who just so happens to be Nero's arch-nemesis from his training days, and then it's on. A disproportionate amount of people die for this small piece of land, but I guess it's all worth it in the end when Nero and Kosugi meet for their monumental final battle. Sounds pretty awesome, right? It was a lot of fun, and totally worth watching just for Christopher George's ridiculous, over-the-top acting, as well as for the added bonus of seeing the grandpa from 'Silent Night Deadly Night' (Will Hare) as one of Nero's friends.

332. The Fisher King (1991)

August 23, 2014

It still doesn't seem real that Robin Williams is gone. He was one of the most talented and beloved actors of this or any generation and losing him was like losing a close friend. I couldn't bring myself to watch any of his movies until now (he passed on August 11), and Terry Gilliam's brilliant film, 'The Fisher King', seemed like a fitting film to watch under the circumstances. Williams plays a disturbed vagrant with delusions of a black knight chasing him on his quest to obtain the holy grail. Jeff Bridges plays a radio disc jockey who unintentionally advised a lunatic over the phone to gun down a bunch of people in an upscale restaurant. Plagued with guilt, Bridges quit his job and started working at a video rental store. One night after some heavy drinking, Bridges found himself contemplating suicide only to be attacked by some kids on the street. Williams came to his rescue and the two became inextricably linked when Bridges found out the reason for Williams' mental issues - his wife was one of those killed by the madman on the phone. Feeling responsible for getting Williams back to reality, Bridges did his best to help him, even going a little mad in the process. 'The Fisher King' is a classic that should be celebrated more than it is. I highly recommend it.

331. Super (2010)

August 22, 2014

'Super' is another movie I've also recently reviewed on this blog. My friend Jared came over and we watched 'Super' and 'Maniac' as a double header. Another highly recommended movie (and the reason I don't dislike Ellen Page anymore). Recommended for fans of James Gunn movies (pretty sure that includes everyone now), so check it out!

330. Maniac (2012)

August 22, 2014

I think I've already watched and reviewed this movie twice on this blog, so I'll spare you the details this time. Suffice to say it is an amazing movie that you should see. It is a deeply disturbed movie, which makes it all the better, and Elijah Wood plays the titular maniac to perfection. You should also check out William Lustig's original classic starring Joe Spinell.

329. Curdled (1996)

August 21, 2014

'Curdled' was a surprisingly interesting movie. It was about a girl who developed a strange obsession with death after she saw a dead body as a child. She became even more obsessed with following the path of a serial killer known as the "Blue Blood Killer" who killed and decapitated wealthy, married women. The girl took a job with a crime scene clean up company, cleaning homes for people after particularly violent crimes took place. One of the killer's victims tried writing his name on the floor with a sharpie before she died and the killer couldn't clean it up before the husband came home. When the clean up crew got to the scene, the girl found the name on the floor and kept the information to herself. She eventually came face to face with the killer in the film's bizarre climax. I do recommend this movie, as it was very entertaining. The only problem I had with it (and maybe this was just the copy I watched) was the sound was very quiet when people were talking and then extremely loud whenever music played. That makes it hard to watch a movie late at night when other people are sleeping...

328. Frankenhooker (1990)

August 21, 2014

One of my two favorite movies of all time (the other being 'Fade to Black'), Frank Henenlotter's 'Frankenhooker' is such a fun movie. My wife is planning on going as Frankenhooker this year for Halloween, so we watched it again to get some costume tips. When Jeffrey Franken (James Lorinz) builds a remote control lawn mower that inadvertently kills his fiancee, Elizabeth (Patty Mullen), he becomes a full-blown mad scientist and devotes his life to putting her back together again. The problem is he needs more parts, so he goes to the city to find some. He meets some hookers and tells them to get a big group together so he can pick the best ones for a party. The girls get their hands on Jeffrey's 'super crack' and start smoking it and it ends up blowing them to pieces (which is exactly what he needs)! He collects the pieces and builds a perfect body for Elizabeth and in typical Frankenstein fashion he brings her back to life. Unfortunately for Jeffrey, she takes on several characteristics and key phrases of the hookers and she goes back to the city to work the streets. Obviously upset about losing his girls, Zorro, their pimp, goes looking for Jeffrey while Jeffrey tries to bring his creation back home, culminating in a battle between scientist, pimp, and spare body parts the likes of which have never been seen. On the VHS cover, a quote from Bill Murray says, "If you only see one movie this year it should be Frankenhooker," and I believe that to be true of every year. If you haven't seen it yet, do yourself a favor and check it out. Or better yet, let me know and I'll watch it with you!

327. Johnny Mnemonic (1995)

August 19, 2014

What an unbelievably stupid movie. I guess you could say it was an ambitious effort but that doesn't change the fact that it was just awful. Keanu Reeves starred as Johnny, a guy in the distant future of 2021 who could carry data in his head like a hard drive, only his hard drive had a maximum storage capacity of 160GB (which, if you don't know, isn't very much by today's standards - although it was in 1995). Anyway, he had to transport more data than he could fit in his head, so he lied and pretended he could carry more, knowing full well that could kill him. The Yakuza wanted the data from his head as well, so Johnny spent a lot of the movie running from them. It was worth it to see Dolph Lundgren as some kind of barbarian preacher, though.

326. Brainscan (1994)

August 16, 2014

Every once in a while, a movie comes along with the potential to blow your mind to tiny little pieces and then shatter those tiny little pieces into even smaller pieces. That movie, for me, was 'Brainscan'. For years I had gone under the assumption that I had already seen 'Brainscan', and I'm pretty sure I was confusing it with 'Evilspeak' for some reason (the two movies are nothing alike, aside from their respective titles being two words squeezed into one). Even certain scenes from 'Brainscan' were vaguely familiar, but I am positive that this was the first time I'd ever actually watched it in its entirety. Edward Furlong stars as a high school kid obsessed with all things horror who stumbles upon a new virtual reality computer game being advertised in a Fangoria magazine. When he gets the game and it gives him the realistic sensation of violently killing a random person and getting away with it, he thinks it is the greatest game ever created. That is, until he sees on the news that the person he killed in the game is dead in real life with the same gruesome details from the game. He tries to quit playing the game, but a trickster demon shows up and convinces him that the only way to make it all stop is by finishing the game. He does what the trickster says and continues to play the game for fear that everyone he loves is in danger if he doesn't, all while a detective (Frank Langella) gets closer and closer to solving the case and all while every minute he spends playing the game makes his life more miserable. The ending felt a little convenient and didn't really fit the overall tone of the rest of the movie, but it was still an awesome film that you should definitely check out.

325. Dead in Tombstone (2013)

August 13, 2014

I had no expectations for 'Dead in Tombstone' aside from an ineluctable silliness that did not disappoint. Danny Trejo starred as the leader of a gang of bank robbing thugs in the old west that lived by a code and vowed never to kill anyone unnecessarily. After a prosperous robbery, Trejo's bandits killed the local sheriff, turned mutinous and killed Trejo. Sent to hell to be tortured for eternity by Lucifer himself, Trejo made a deal with the devil to let him go free if he could kill the real bad guys and send their souls to hell for Lucifer to feed on. The rest of the film was basically Trejo being his own undead avenger and dispatching his former comrades in full bloody detail. It had the effects you'd expect from a direct-to-video action flick, but thanks to Trejo it felt like it had a little more heart than average. So for that, I will say I recommend it, but you definitely have to be in the mood for something like this.

324. Mountaintop Motel Massacre (1986)

August 10, 2014

I've always been intrigued by the cover art of 'Mountaintop Motel Massacre'. The crazy old lady on the poster peaking out from behind the door with the bloody fingerprints has kept this movie on my radar for a long time, but for some reason I had never gotten around to watching it until now. Like most movies from the same time period, the poster was way cooler than the actual movie. That isn't to say I didn't enjoy it, because I did, I'm just saying it could have been a better movie. For starters, a motel in the middle of nowhere with no guests suddenly gets a coincidental surge of visitors to stay there right after the crazy lady who runs the place kills her daughter because she is involved in some Satanic worship stuff that she doesn't approve of. The old lady then has a kind of psychotic breakdown and tries to kill off her guests by placing various creatures (snakes, rodents, bugs, etc.) in the rooms via an underground tunnel below the motel that connects each room. The guests band together to try to stay alive, and eventually figure out the source of their problems and try to put a stop to it. It was an alright movie that could have benefited from a few changes in the script.

323. Jodorowsky's Dune (2013)

August 9, 2014

'Jodorowsky's Dune' was a fantastic documentary about possibly the greatest film never made. Alejandro Jodorowsky took over the rights to make a film adaptation of Frank Herbert's novel, Dune, in 1975 and immediately began amassing an impressive group of incredibly talented people to work on it including artists H.R. Giger (pre-Alien), Jean Giraud, and Chris Foss, as well as Dan O'Bannon for the special effects, Pink Floyd for the music, and featuring a bizarre collection of actors including Salvador Dali, Orson Welles, Mick Jagger, David Carradine, and a bunch more. Not only was the cast and crew unprecedented, the script was apparently immaculate. It was close to 1000 pages and filled almost entirely with beautiful artwork for set designs and concepts. Ultimately and unfortunately the film was never made, due primarily to backers pulling out because they didn't feel comfortable with Jodorowsky's strange filmography (Fando y Lis, El Topo, Holy Mountain) and they thought audiences wouldn't be interested. The script was sent to every major studio, however, and was purportedly the inspiration for many of the films we know and love today (including Star Wars).

322. The Past Is A Grotesque Animal - A Film About of Montreal (2014)

August 8, 2014

When my friend Brett told me an of Montreal documentary was coming out soon I got really excited. My wife and I have seen them in concert five or six times, and they get better every time. Then when I found out the film was going to be released on Oscilloscope's label, I got even more excited because I'm in their "Circle of Trust" (you can be too, just click here), and it was destined for my DVD shelf before the street release date. Anyway, the documentary was good. It was a mixture of concert footage and front-man Kevin Barnes' self-destructive need to create art, which often alienated the people closest to him. As can often be the case when you get an up close and personal look at someone you've admired from a distance, I realized I preferred to see Barnes through the rose colored glasses and maybe I didn't need to see just how volatile he can be. That said, I did enjoy the film, and I recommend it to anyone who'd like to know more about the band. It does make me apprehensive to watch another documentary that is coming out soon - 'Mistaken for Strangers', a film about The National. Maybe I should just stick to the music.

321. Jonah Hex (2010)

August 3, 2014

I avoided 'Jonah Hex' for as long as I could. I never heard a good review, and until recently I've tried to steer clear of Megan Fox movies. With that in mind, it wasn't really that awful. My guess is that my expectations were so low that it couldn't have disappointed me if it tried. Anyway, Josh Brolin plays the titular character, a Civil War soldier who refused to burn a hospital down and for some reason (I can't remember why), he had to kill his best friend who happened to be the son of the general who gave him the orders to burn down the hospital. That general (John Malkovich) took offense to being disobeyed and having his son killed, so naturally he burned Hex's house down with his wife and child still inside and made him watch. After being forced to watch his family brutally murdered, and facing his own near-death experience, Hex gained certain powers (including being able to touch a corpse and wake them up for a short time to get information out of them), and he went after Malkovich. The ensuing hunting and fighting scenes were far-fetched to say the least, but they were entertaining. I'd say give it a watch if you're interested in more obscure, gritty, fun comic book movies.

320. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

August 2, 2014

There aren't words to describe just how fantastic 'Guardians of the Galaxy' is. Like most people I went in expecting very little (despite the fact that James Gunn directed it and Michael Rooker is in it so it had to be good) and I was completely taken by surprise by the sheer spectacle of it all. Chris Pratt plays Peter Quill, a human who was abducted as a child and taken to another planet after his mom died. 26 years later he tries to steal an orb for a wealthy collector, only to be ambushed by the powerful assassin Gamora (Zoe Saldana). The two of them chase after each other for a while and then get targeted by a couple thieves, Groot (a tree-person voiced by Vin Diesel) and Rocket (a genetically enhanced raccoon voiced by Bradley Cooper). They all end up getting arrested and sent to a maximum security prison where they meet the dimwitted but extremely strong Drax and they join forces to escape and fight together against a common enemy and, eventually, to try to save the galaxy from the certain destruction that would occur if the orb they were after fell into the wrong hands. Easily the best Marvel movie ever made, and possibly my favorite movie of the year, if you haven't seen it yet, do it now.